|Kids probably don't realise it yet, but pretending to be asleep is a skill that will come in handy for the rest of their lives!|
|Yawns are just silent screams for coffee!|
|I thought that pulling the shell off my racing snail would help it move faster.|
If anything it became more sluggish!
|Doctor: What do you do when you feel stressed?|
Patient: I go to the temple.
Doctor: Good... does it help?
Patient: No... I mix-up all the shoes kept outside and watch people more stressed than me!
|Why was the broom late for work?|
Because he overswept!
|I have a new phone charger but I also have a teenage son which means I somehow have an old charger and he has a new one!|
|Bought my mum a fridge for her Birthday.|
You should've seen her face light up when she opened it!
|You know what makes me smile? |
|Police are on the lookout for a cross-eyed burglar.|
They said, "if you see him peering through your window, please warn the people next-door!"
|Marrying a girl because you got her pregnant is a real life "you break it, you buy it" scenario!|