• Kids probably don't realise it yet, but pretending to be asleep is a skill that will come in handy for the rest of their lives!
    Kids probably don't realise it yet, but pretending to be asleep is a skill that will come in handy for the rest of their lives!
  • Yawns are just silent screams for coffee!
    Yawns are just silent screams for coffee!
  • I thought that pulling the shell off my racing snail would help it move faster.<br/>
If anything it became more sluggish!
    I thought that pulling the shell off my racing snail would help it move faster.
    If anything it became more sluggish!
  • Doctor: What do you do when you feel stressed?<br/>
Patient: I go to the temple.<br/>
Doctor: Good... does it help?<br/>
Patient: No... I mix-up all the shoes kept outside and watch people more stressed than me!
    Doctor: What do you do when you feel stressed?
    Patient: I go to the temple.
    Doctor: Good... does it help?
    Patient: No... I mix-up all the shoes kept outside and watch people more stressed than me!
  • Why was the broom late for work?<br/>
Because he overswept!
    Why was the broom late for work?
    Because he overswept!
  • I have a new phone charger but I also have a teenage son which means I somehow have an old charger and he has a new one!
    I have a new phone charger but I also have a teenage son which means I somehow have an old charger and he has a new one!
  • Bought my mum a fridge for her Birthday.<br/>
You should've seen her face light up when she opened it!
    Bought my mum a fridge for her Birthday.
    You should've seen her face light up when she opened it!
  • You know what makes me smile? <br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
Facial muscles!
    You know what makes me smile?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Facial muscles!
  • Police are on the lookout for a cross-eyed burglar.<br/>
They said, `if you see him peering through your window, please warn the people next-door!`
    Police are on the lookout for a cross-eyed burglar.
    They said, "if you see him peering through your window, please warn the people next-door!"
  • Marrying a girl because you got her pregnant is a real life `you break it, you buy it` scenario!
    Marrying a girl because you got her pregnant is a real life "you break it, you buy it" scenario!