Adult and Non Veg Restricted SMS

In all these summers, one thing I've always been confused about is when they say...
.
.
.
.
.
"A man must not screw an opportunity, when presented!"
I mean why not!
Love happens when your spouse is out of town!
Love happens when your spouse is out of town!
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.

The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed."
The second kid replies,"Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the night shift, he sleeps with the lady next door!"
Why is the game of Golf totally wrong? 
It's because you hold a club and put the balls in the hole; 
Instead of holding the balls and putting the club in the hole!
Why is the game of Golf totally wrong?
It's because you hold a club and put the balls in the hole;
Instead of holding the balls and putting the club in the hole!
My girlfriend said to me, "My tummy has started showing,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Shall have to stop eating junk-food."
Bloody well, she scared the shit out of me!
Clarification regarding organ donation:
Giving your organ for a few moments to needy between the hands/lips/limbs is not "organ donation"!
Advantages of having an affair with a married women:
They give like hell!
They do not yell!
They do not tell!
They do not swell!
And there are no wedding bells!
Jeeto comes back from the doctor and tells her husband: Honey, I have a sad news - a gynaecologist told me not to have sex for at least three weeks. 
Santa: And what did the dentist say?
Jeeto comes back from the doctor and tells her husband: Honey, I have a sad news - a gynaecologist told me not to have sex for at least three weeks.
Santa: And what did the dentist say?
Pathan's wife: Have you heard? Professor Hamid from our apartment house is a gay.
Pathan: Waw, what a surprise! I have been sleeping with him for half of a year, but never knew he was a professor!
Sex without condoms is magical... a baby appears and father disappears!

Quotes

Always buy pornographic books in hardback because they're easier to hold with one hand.

Trivia

Some men experience instant feelings of sadness and regret after sex. It is known as "post-coital tristesse".

Graffiti

Sex is like Motor Racing, the most important rule is not to save money on best quality rubber!