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2 year old son spits on the floor.
Wife: We don't spit. If it's in your mouth you swallow it.
Husband raises eyebrows.
Wife: You shut up! -
SERIOUS HEALTH WARNING:
Licking a pussy is very dangerous to your health because it is
5% urine
3% acidic
2% fatty
and 90% highly addictive! -
How do you know that a female bartender is pissed off with you?
There's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary! -
What's the difference between a micro-wave and a homosexual?
A micro-wave doesn't brown your meat! -
What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?
A 'Pussy is soft, warm and delightful and it's owned by a 'Cunt! -
The best way to smuggle drugs is to put it in a dog's ass. Even if a sniffer dog suspects it, the police will think that he's just horny! -
Boyfriend: Honey, let's try anal.
Girlfriend: Fuck that shit!
Boyfriend: That's the sprit, Baby! -
What doesn't belong in this list:
1. Meat
2. Eggs
3. Wife
4. Blowjob
Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife; but you can't beat a blowjob! -
Five men were sitting around the table at a restaurant bragging about who had the largest dick. Finally one guy said, "I'll settle this; let's all put our dicks on the table- that will decide it."
At about that time two fags walked in and were seated. The waiter asked, "Would you gentlemen like to see a menu?"
The fags responded, "Oh!!! No, No, we'll just have the buffet!" -
What does parsley and pubic hair have in common?
Push it aside and keep on eating!