• 2 prostitutes were on their way home after work, in a taxi.
    1st: I smell sperm!
    2nd: Sorry, I burped!
  • Our love will never become cold and hollow;
    Unless one day, you change and refuse to swallow!
  • Why do men like big tits and a tight ass?
    Because they've got big mouths and little dicks!
  • Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
    Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done!
  • What's the difference between Maggi Noodles and a girlfriend?
    Maggi is licked after eating whereas a girlfriend is licked before eating!
  • A lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you fucker!"
    He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said, 'fuck off it'll be too painful.'"
  • What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?
    Liquor in the front and Poker in the back!
  • A bloke calls work, "Boss, cannae come in tae work. I'm sick".
    Boss asks, "How sick are you?"
    Bloke: I'm F***ing my aunt. How sick is that?"
  • Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
    A: Because he got his dick stuck in the chicken?
  • Q: Did you hear about the gay bank robber?
    A: He tied up the safe and blew the guard.