• A whore is like a bowling ball; she gets picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and then comes back for more.
  • There were these two ovaries and they were cleaning their house when they heard a knock at the door.
    "I'll get the door," says the first ovary.
    She looks out the peep hole and says, "Did you order furniture?" "No, why?", answers the other ovary.
    "Because there two nuts at the door trying to shove in an organ!"
  • A guy was on his first date with a notoriously loose girl. She was immediately receptive to his foreplay after they parked. The petting increased and he put his hand in her panties.
    She seemed to be enjoying his progress but suddenly objected, "Ouch! That ring is hurting me!"
    "I'm not wearing any ring! That must be my wristwatch".
  • A 90-year old man announces his intention to marry a woman of 30. He is persuaded to have a medical exam first.
    "Everyone tells me I need a checkup to see if I'm sexually fit", he says to the doctor.
    "O.K.", says the medic, "let me see your sex organs."
    So the old guy sticks out his tongue and his middle finger.
  • A waiter brings a lady her vegetable soup, and his thumb is hooked over the cup. She says, "Waiter, your thumb is in my soup."
    He says, "Yeah. I got arthritis and the heat makes it feel better."
    She says, "Well, why don't you stick it up your ass?"
    He says, "I do that in the kitchen."
  • I went to the hospital the other day and told the doctor my baby was born 9 months early. She asked to see it, so I came on her face.
  • 2 women were talking about the new hunk in the neighborhood. "He acts so stupid", said one to the other. "I think he must have his brains between his legs", she added. "Yeah", her friend sighed, "but I'd sure love to blow his mind".
  • Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
    A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
  • Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
    A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your whole week (hole weak).
  • 3 good manners of a Dick
    1. Courteous: It stands before performing
    2. Emotional: It cries during the performance
    3. Polite: It bows down after the performance.