• How to get laid:
    1. Lay on bed.
    2. Wait two hours.
    3. Lay becomes past tense.
  • In Sex Education class:
    Professor: There is nothing wrong with sex before marriage.
    Girl: Thank you Sir, Aapne Toh Hamari Taange Khol Di!
  • Sex last night was so quick,
    Girlfriend now calling it a 'Surgical Strike'!
  • Surgical Strike is like a Piles operation,
    Doctor tells everyone it was successful but the patient wants to keep it a secret.
    Pakistan's denial is totally justifiable!
  • Why are all Jewish men circumcised?
    Their women won't touch anything that isn't 10% off!
  • On a condom dispensing machine in London it was written:
    "Very Safe! Strictly made as per High British standards."

    Someone added below:
    "So was the Titanic, but it leaked!"
  • Reporter: Swami Ji, it is so cold on this mountain top, what's the secret of your happiness, even in this extreme weather condition?
    Swami Ji: Tulsi and Green Tea. Would you like to have some Green Tea?
    Reporter: Of course yes!
    Swami Ji: Tulsi, please bring two cups of Green Tea!
  • Whoever first said that `A dog is man's best friend` has never seen a pussy before!
    Whoever first said that "A dog is man's best friend" has never seen a pussy before!
  • What do you call a police-woman that shaves her pubes?
    Cuntstubble
  • At an airport, Custom Officer finds a rubber penis in a lady's handbag and asks, `Are you married?`<br/>
Lady: Yes.<br/>
Officer: Then why this?<br/>
Lady: You've landline at home?<br/>
Officer: Yes<br/>
Lady: Then why do you carry a mobile?
    At an airport, Custom Officer finds a rubber penis in a lady's handbag and asks, "Are you married?"
    Lady: Yes.
    Officer: Then why this?
    Lady: You've landline at home?
    Officer: Yes
    Lady: Then why do you carry a mobile?
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