• A guy donated blood to his girl friend. After things got sour between them, the guy wanted his blood back.
    The girl threw a bloody tampon at him and said, I'll give it back to you in monthly installments.
  • Q: Why do hunters make the best lovers?
    A: Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.
  • Ancient Chinese Wisdom for Men:
    Always marry a woman with small hands. It makes your tool look bigger!
  • Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
    A: Beat it - we're closed.
  • Arguing about big and small breasts is like making a choice between Budweiser and Heineken!
    Men'll take whatever is available as long as it's not flat.
  • At the card shop, a woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head each time, muttering, "No".
    A clerk finally came over and asked, "And how may I help you?"
    "I just don't know," said the woman. Do you have any "Sorry, I laughed at your dick cards?"
  • Maybelline makes eyelashes look four times larger. It's high time Maybelline start making condoms!
  • Q: What's the difference between a child and an egg?
    A: An egg is the result of a sitting hen and a child is a result of a standing cock.
  • Q: What's an Australian kiss?
    A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
  • Grammar is important. Capital letters are the difference between "helping your Uncle Jack off a horse" and "helping your uncle jack off a horse".