• There once was a man called Sheyenne,
    Of women, he was a fan,
    But they thought, "Damn, he's fat,"
    "I'm not touching that!"
    So he has to rely on his hand!
    My back aches, my pussy is sore;
    I simply can't screw any more.
    I'm covered with sweat,
    And you haven't come yet,
    And gosh, it's a quarter to four!
  • There once was a sculptor called Phidias
    Who had a distaste for the hideous.
    So he sculpt Aphrodite
    Without any nightie
    Which shocked the ultra-fastidious.
  • Three two-letter words that begin
    With I are a source of chagrin:
    There are guys who can cry -
    Even wish they could die -
    At that soul-searing phrase "Is it in?"
  • There once was a man named Deadeye Dick
    Who was cursed from birth with a corkscrew prick.
    He spent his life in an aimless hunt;
    To find a girl with a corkscrew cunt.
    But when he finally found one, the poor chap dropped dead;
    For the goddamned thing had a left-hand thread!
  • A dentist, young Doctor Malone,
    Got a charming girl patient alone;
    And in his depravity,
    He filled the wrong cavity -
    And my how his business has grown!
  • There was a young sailor named Bates
    Who danced the fandango on skates.
    But a fall on his cutlass
    Has rendered him nutless,
    And practically useless on dates.
  • There once was a man from cape Horn
    Who wished that he'd never been born
    He wouldn't have been
    If his father had seen
    That the end of his condom was torn.
  • There was a young man of Devizes
    whose balls were of different sizes;
    one was so small
    it was no use at all,
    but the other won several prizes.
  • A sweetheart named Theresa Arden;
    Went down on her beau in the garden.
    He said, "Good Lord, Tess,
    Don't swallow that mess!"
    And she replied, "Ulp, beg your pardon?"