|There once was a man called Sheyenne,|
Of women, he was a fan,
But they thought, "Damn, he's fat,"
"I'm not touching that!"
So he has to rely on his hand!
My back aches, my pussy is sore;
I simply can't screw any more.
I'm covered with sweat,
And you haven't come yet,
And gosh, it's a quarter to four!
|There once was a sculptor called Phidias|
Who had a distaste for the hideous.
So he sculpt Aphrodite
Without any nightie
Which shocked the ultra-fastidious.
|Three two-letter words that begin|
With I are a source of chagrin:
There are guys who can cry -
Even wish they could die -
At that soul-searing phrase "Is it in?"
|There once was a man named Deadeye Dick|
Who was cursed from birth with a corkscrew prick.
He spent his life in an aimless hunt;
To find a girl with a corkscrew cunt.
But when he finally found one, the poor chap dropped dead;
For the goddamned thing had a left-hand thread!
|A dentist, young Doctor Malone,|
Got a charming girl patient alone;
And in his depravity,
He filled the wrong cavity -
And my how his business has grown!
|There was a young sailor named Bates|
Who danced the fandango on skates.
But a fall on his cutlass
Has rendered him nutless,
And practically useless on dates.
|There once was a man from cape Horn|
Who wished that he'd never been born
He wouldn't have been
If his father had seen
That the end of his condom was torn.
|There was a young man of Devizes|
whose balls were of different sizes;
one was so small
it was no use at all,
but the other won several prizes.
|A sweetheart named Theresa Arden;|
Went down on her beau in the garden.
He said, "Good Lord, Tess,
Don't swallow that mess!"
And she replied, "Ulp, beg your pardon?"