|Wife: Our vacuum cleaner has stopped sucking.|
Husband: Maybe it got married?
|I was so excited when my wife texted me that she wanted to be on top tonight.|
Didn't have a clue that she was talking about the bunk bed that we bought last week!
|A man and a woman can just be friends with no sex involved.|
It's called marriage!
|1st year of marriage: Great sex! Now let's cuddle and fall asleep.|
10th year of marriage: Sex? We just did that in April!
|Ambulances and women have a lot in common. They both make a lot of noise to let you know that they're coming!|
|After all these years my wife still thinks I'm sexy.|
Every time I walk by she says, "What an Ass"!
|What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?|
A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewellery.
|Last night, I told my husband, we should try some role reversal in bed.|
And the bastard said he had a headache!
|Husband is praying before going to bed.|
Wife: What are you praying for?
Husband: For guidance.
Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!
|Husband: Want a quickie?|
Wife: As opposed to what?