|My wife and I finally became sexually compatible... now we get simultaneous headaches!|
|Irony of Life:|
Wives don't get pregnant after many attempts;
And girlfriends get pregnant even after taking precautions!
|What's that called when your wife wakes up horny?|
Never. It's called never!
|A husband gets love bite on neck from his secretary. He goes home worried, allows his pet dog to jump on him and shouts, "He bit my neck".|
The wife removes bra and says, "See what he did to me!"
|What is the similarity between a swimming pool and a wife?|
For both, we pay high maintenance cost for the little time we spend in them!
|A newly wedded husband to his wife after sex, "I'll be frank, you are not the first girl.|
Wife: I'll also be frank, you still have to learn a lot!
|An old married couple was sitting in their rocking chairs enjoying a beautiful sunset when the old man looked at his wife and said "fuck you!"|
A few minutes passed when the woman turned and said the same thing to her husband. After about half an hour of this the old man said "I'll never understand why kids today like this oral sex so much!"
|Who is guilty?|
Husband and wife are sleeping together and while dreaming, the wife suddenly shouts, "Quick, my husband is back".
And the husband gets up with lightning quick speed and jumps out of the window!
|Wife: What shall I make today?|
|Marriage vows in short:|
I won't fuck other people, but I'll fuck you and your life!