Jim strolls into the paint section of B&Q and walks up to the assistant. "I'd like a pint of canary-colored paint," he says.

    "Certainly," says the clerk. "Mind if I ask why you need it?"

    "My parakeet," says Jim. "See, I want to enter him in a canary contest. He sings so sweetly that I know he's sure to win."

    "Well, you can't do that, Man!" the assistant says. "The chemicals in the paint will almost certainly kill the poor thing!"

    "No, they won't," Jim replies.

    "Listen, Buddy, I'll bet you ten quid your parakeet dies if you try to paint him."

    "You're on!" says Jim.

    Two days later Jim comes back looking very sheepish and puts ten pounds on the counter in front of the clerk.

    "So the paint killed your bird?"

    "Indirectly," Jim says. "He seemed to handle the paint okay, but he didn't survive the sanding between coats."
  • The Lazy Fisherman A visitor from Buffalo was strolling along the California surf one morning. During his walk he came upon a fellow, fishing pole clutched in his hands, sound asleep against the side of a huge coastal rock. Just then the pole...
  • Being Obese A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem.
    As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed, "I`m so ashamed, Doctor...
  • An Old Custom A young scholar from New York was invited to become Rabbi in a small old community in Chicago. On his very first Shabbat, a hot debate erupted as to whether one should or should not stand during the reading of the Ten...
  • Quick and Smart Thinker Levine having gone to his secretary`s apartment for some hot over-time, was astonished to wake up and find that it was three in the morning.
    "My God!" he shouted, "My wife is going to kill...
  • Kids Say Funny Things BRITTANY had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she`d have to open it for her...