• Medical Bill!

    A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They're immediately taken back to a room.

    Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill.

    `This must be a mistake,` the man says. `I've been here only 20 minutes!`

    `No mistake,` the doctor says. `It's $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan and $50 for the medicine.`
  • How Traditions Are Born

    A new camp commander was appointed and while inspecting the place, he saw 2 soldiers guarding a bench. He went over there and asked them why do they guard it.

    "We don't know. The last commander told us to do so, and so we did. It is some sort of regimental tradition!"

    He searched for last commander's phone number and called him to ask him why did he want guards in this particular bench."

    I don't know. The previous commander had guards, and I kept the tradition."

    Going back another 3 commanders, he found a now 100-year old retired General."

    Excuse me sir. I'm now the CO of your camp you commanded 60 years ago. I've found 2 men assigned to guard a bench. Could you please tell me more about the bench?"

    "What? Is the paint still wet ?!?"
  • Brilliant Puns

    1. Laxman to Seeta: Stay offline.

    2. Mayawati ctrls+all+dalits.

    3. My watch is stuck between 2 and 2.30. It's a do or dhai situation.

    4. 4. What did Jaya say to Abhishek when they saw Amitabh coming home in a rickshaw?
    "Rickshey mein toh woh tumhare baap lagte hai."

    5. A potato was interrogated by cops. After 3 hours of torture, it gave in and said, "Main batata hun, main batata hun..."

    6. A well executed theft in which there are no finger prints left is a stainless steal.

    7. "Yahoo! Messenger." - Sita after seeing Hanuman in Lanka for the first time.

    8. Friends pay restaurant bills on a de-tu-de basis.

    9. 'I laughed yesterday' in Hindi is 'Michael Hussey'.

    10. They don't facepalm in Indian villages. They Sarpanch.

    11. An old lady asked me the way to the city court, I replied 'Magistrate.'

    12. Me: "Excuse me, Beer ke saath kuch complementary toh do?"
    Waiter: "Nice Shirt!"

    13. Rahul Dravid's wristwatch is technically a wall clock.

    14. Toll Booths are nothing but Bill Gates.

    15. "What's the way to the cemetery?"
    "Go straight and take the last rite."

    16. Vishwanathan Anand gets tense when the waiter in the hotel says, "Check!"
  • A Premature Obituary

    Brad and Mike are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other. Much of their relationship is based on pragmatism rather than real friendship or personal affection.

    One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Mike opens the morning paper and turns to the obituaries page. He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary in the column. He realizes that the query for info on him by the local newspaper several months earlier, was in preparation for this event. He correctly surmises that it is a mistaken entry from their database.

    It still excites and rankles him, so he calls Brad up.

    "Brad, are you up yet?" asks Mike.

    Brad sleepily answers, "Yeah, but I'm only now starting my coffee."

    "Brad, open the newspaper to page 31."

    "Why, what's in the paper?"

    "Brad, get the paper and open it to page 31 NOW!"

    "Ok, Ok, I've got the paper here, so what's in page 31?"

    "Brad, open the paper to page 31 already!"

    "All right, don't be such a pain so early in the morning already. So, what's on page 31 that's so important?"

    "Brad, look at the bottom of column 4."

    "Why? What's that story on?"

    "Brad, read the story on the bottom of the column already!"

    "OK, OK, I'll start reading the column if you stop yelling in my ear!"

    The paper rustles for a few seconds, then a long silent pause ensues...

    Finally, Brad comes on the line quietly and fearfully asks, "So Mike, where are you calling me from right now?"