I remember one time when I was home visiting my folks. My mom asked me to set the table for dinner. I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a risque picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built, but scantily-clad young woman.

    "Mom, what's this?" I asked.

    "Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to overeat," she answered.

    "Is it working?" I asked.

    "Yes and no," she explained. "I've lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20!"
  • Wonderful Spouse Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a month of each other, a woman asked, "What kind of boy did your daughter marry?"
    "Oh, he`s wonderful," gushed the mother. "He lets her..
  • Show Business A man is hired by the circus to perform a necessary but rather unpleasant task. He is asked to walk behind the elephants in the center ring, shoveling aside their droppings as they walk about. After a rather...
  • Common Sense is Dead Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic...
  • Superfast Turtle A guy comes walking into a bar with a turtle in his hand. The turtle`s one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape....
  • The Perfect Man! A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You`re just like Brian."
    Passenger: "Who?"
    Cabbie: "Brian. He`s a guy...