• New Hooker and Her First Trick

    The new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.

    She said, "well, he was a big muscular and handsome marine."

    "Well, what did he want to do?" they all asked.

    She said, "I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn't have that much."

    "So I told him a BJ would be $75, but he didn't have that much either."

    "Finally I said, well, how much do you have?"

    The marine said that he only had $25.

    The new hooker said, "Well, for $25 all I can give you is a hand job."

    He agreed and after getting the finances straight, she said, "He pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then the second hand above the first and then the first hand above the second hand....."

    "OMG!!!" they all exclaimed, "It must have been huge! Then what did you do?"

    "I loaned him $75!" she said.
  • New Mink Coat

    Three members of a weekly female bridge quartet were duly impressed when the fourth arrived wearing a gorgeous new mink coat.

    "That's a lovely garment Joan," purred Kay.

    "It must have cost a fortune!" Sue said.

    "No, it didn't," said Joan, "just a single piece of ass."

    "You mean," Barb chimed in, "one that you gave your husband?"

    "No," smiled Joan "One that he got from the maid."
  • New SCAM to Lookout For!!!

    I don't know how many of you visit the MGM Grand Casino but this may be useful to know. I have become a victim of a clever scam when using the casino's car parking facility. This happened to me and it could happen to you.

    Here's how the scam works:

    Two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are about to get in after leaving the casino. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts.

    It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another car parking facility in the city.

    You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then, one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.

    I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday... Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, and also yesterday and most likely tomorrow.
  • The Wrong Key!

    One knight told his best friend, "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade."

    The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching.

    Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted.

    A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend.

    He yells, "Hey, you gave me the wrong key!!"