• The Wrong Key!

    One knight told his best friend, "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade."

    The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching.

    Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted.

    A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend.

    He yells, "Hey, you gave me the wrong key!!"
  • That Son of a Bitch Can Drive

    There was this woman sitting on a park bench muttering to herself and spitting. She would mutter, then spit, mutter, then spit, she would say, "Damn, that sonofabitch can drive," then spit, "Damn, that sonofabitch can drive," then spit, "Damn that sonofabitch can drive," then spit.

    A man sits down next to her and asks her, "What's going on here? You keep saying, "Damn that sonofabitch can drive, then you spit."

    "Well," says the gal, "my boyfriend just got a brand new sports car, so he calls me and asks me if I want to go for a ride. So I say sure, why not?

    "He picks me up and we drive up to the mountains. After wehave lunch, we start back down the mountain and his brakes go out!! He's pumping the pedal, and nothing!! So now we're picking up speed and the road is all twisty and curvey.

    "We're going faster and faster and it's hard to stay on the road. I've got my fingers embedded in the dashboard, and I'm pleading with him to do something!!!

    "We're going about 90 mph now, with a sheer cliff on our right, a 500 foot drop on the other side, an 18 wheeler right on our ass, and an overturned motorhome right in front of us. Well, I figure this is it! I just knew we were gonna die! So I turn to him and said... 'Geoff, if you can get us outta this, I'll give you the best damn blow job you've ever had'!!!"

    She paused. Then spit. "DAMN, THAT SON OF A BITCH CAN **DRIVE**!!"
  • A Date With An Intellectual Man

    Two hot young ladies are talking one afternoon about the weekend just past. The first named Faba, and the second, Mujo, discussed Faba's last date.

    "You know what Mujo, I was out last night with an intellectual type" Faba declared.

    "What's that? What's do you mean intellectual type?" Mujo asked with curiosity.

    "Well, I mean I was dating a man who is very intellectual and intelligent," explained Faba to her friend.

    Mujo giggles, and asked, "So, how was it?"

    "First, he took me to dinner. Then he took me to a cinema movie. And then he took me out for a drive. After all that, he took me to his house. He began an intellectual conversation. And finally, he took out his penis."

    "What is this word, 'penis'," Mujo asked, unfamiliar with the clinical terminology.

    "Oh, it is what intellectuals have. It looks like a dick, just much smaller !"
  • Guess My New Name?

    A redneck named Bubba was tired of hearing redneck jokes that used the name, Bubba. He went to court and changed his name.

    The judge asked,"and what name do you want it changed to?"

    He said, "Candy."

    The judge replied, "Candy? "C-A-N-D-Y is that right?"

    "Yes thats right, your honor." said Bubba The judge put the name on the papers before him and said, "legally, your name is now, Candy."

    He rushed over to tell his girlfriend. He knocked on her door and heard "who's there?"

    He said, "It's me! She said, "come on in Bubba, the doors unlocked."

    He said, "It's not Bubba." She said, "Yes it is, I recognize your voice."

    He said, "It ain't Bubba no more cause I done legally changed it."

    She asked, "what it is?" He said, "Guess."

    She said, "Leroy?"

    He answered, "No."

    She said, "Johnny?"

    He answered, "No."

    She said, "Hell, I give up, come on in."

    He said, "Wait, I'll gives ya a hint. Ya holds it in ya hand and ya puts it in ya mouth.

    "Oh!... Come on in, Dick!"