• The Only Man With A Penis

    Pedro was sexually a very experienced man when he got married to Maria, but she was totally naive.

    On their wedding night, when Pedro removed his clothes, Maria asked, "Pedro! What is that?"

    Pedro, a quick thinker, said, "Maria, I am the only man in the world with one of these."

    And then he proudly proceeded to demonstrate to her what it was for. Maria was pleased. After their honeymoon was over, Pedro returned to work. On returning home in the evening after his first day at work post honeymoon, Pedro found a very upset Maria waiting on their front porch.

    "Pedro, you said you were the only man in the world with one of those and yet today, when I saw Gonzalez changing his clothes behind the shed, he had one, too!"

    Ever a fast thinker on his feet, Pedro said, "Oh, Maria, Gonzalez is my best friend. Since I had two, I gave him one. So he is the only other man in the world with one."

    A skeptical Maria accepted this answer, but when Pedro returned home from work the following evening, an agitated Maria was waiting on the porch.

    "Maria? Now what's wrong???"

    "Damn it, Pedro! You gave the better one to Gonzalez!"
  • A Healthy Breakfast

    A Healthy Breakfast
    Three buddies got married on the same day and at the same hotel. During the receptions, the three guys met up in the bar.

    "Guys, it's our wedding night and, uh, I was wondering, er, ah, how many times are we supposed to do it?"

    Discussion ensued, and finally ended with an agreement to just see how things go and meet up the next morning for breakfast.

    One groom said, "Wait. We can't discuss our wedding night performances over breakfast with our new wives there."

    "You're right. Let's just order one slice of toast for every time we did it."

    "Excellent idea!"

    The next morning, the brides and grooms staggered to their tables and the waitress came to take their orders.

    The first groom said, "I'll have the full breakfast with three slices of toast, please."

    The other two grooms smiled at his prowess.

    The second groom ordered, "I'll have the full breakfast but with four slices of toast."

    The third groom grinned and said, "I'll have the full breakfast, please, but I'll have..." and here he paused for effect, "seven, yes, seven slices of toast!"

    "Seven slices of toast, sir?" queried the waitress."That's an awful lot."

    "Yes it is, young lady, yes it is. But seven slices of toast it shall be.... And, by the way, make two of those, brown!"
  • The Unfaithful Wife

    A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against his wife.

    "Please describe," said his attorney, "the incident that first caused you to entertain suspicions as to your wife's infidelity."

    "Well, I'm pretty much on the road all week," the man testified. "So naturally when I am home, I'm attentive to the wife."

    "One Sunday morning," he continued, "we were in the midst of some pretty heavy love-making when the old lady in the apartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled, 'Can't you at least stop all that racket on the weekends?'"
  • New Secretary

    Pedro gets a New Secretary. He faces a volley of rapid fire questions from his wife, who is always a bit suspicious of her husband's roving eye.

    Dora (Pedro's wife): Does your new secretary have nice legs?

    Pedro (feigning ignorance): Didn't quite notice.

    Dora: What color are her eyes?

    Pedro (quietly): Haven't had the time to check.

    Dora: What are the nail polish colors she uses, mettalic, gel or neon ?

    Pedro (rolling up his eye): Not a clue in the world.

    Dora: Does she wear matte, glossy or frosted lipstick.

    Pedro (looking quizzed): I barely spoke to her, so don't know.

    Dora: How does she dress?

    Pedro (innocently): VERY quickly...

    Pedro's Funeral is tomorrow.