• As Tight as a Nun's Snatch

    Father Harris was motoring along a country lane in his parish on a spring afternoon when all of a sudden he got a flat tire. Exasperated, the priest stopped his car, got out, and assessed the damage. Luckily a four-wheel-drive jeep rounded the bend and pulled to a stop behind the crippled vehicle.

    The door to the jeep opened and out stepped a powerful hunk of a man.

    "Good afternoon, Father," greeted the stranger. "Can I give you a hand?"

    "Heaven be praised," rejoiced the priest. "As you can see, my son, I have a flat tire, and I must admit I've never changed one before."

    "Don't worry about it, Father. I'll take care of it." And without skipping a beat, the bruiser picked up the front of the car with one hand and removed the lug nuts from the base of the flat tire with the other. "Why don't you get the spare from the trunk?"

    "Why, ahh, yes, of course, my son," stuttered the amazed Father Harris.

    The priest rolled the spare around to the strong-man who casually lifted it up with his free hand, maneuvered it into place, and proceeded to tighten the lug nuts.

    "Do you need the wrench?" the Father queried.

    "That's OK," the fellow told him. "These nuts are as tight as a nun's snatch."

    "Hmmmm..." mused Father Harris. "I'd better get the wrench."
  • Who Came First, Adam or Eve?

    There was a schoolteacher in the little old school which was teaching sex ed. The class was comprised of only 8 students, due to the size of the school.

    One of the little girls there asked, "According to the Bible, it says that Adam came first, then Eve."

    The teacher replied, "Yes, dear, that is true, according to the Word Of God."

    The girl responded, "Daddy always told me it is Ladies before Gentlemen. Didn't that rule apply during the Creation time?"

    Our teacher gets a smile on her face... she said, "Dearie, Adam came first - trust me! And every man since him came first, too!"
  • Divine Right!

    Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary.

    One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering.

    The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it.

    So she leaves and a few moments later the lady comes back wearing a brassiere tied to her head. And it is abundantly obvious from the bouncing and giggling where the brassiere came from.

    The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without wearing a brassiere."

    "But Father, I have a divine right," she informs.

    "Yes, I see.... And your left one isn't bad either, but you still cannot enter the church like that!"
  • Reception Screws

    After checking into the hotel, Father O'Dilly finds a Bible on the bed-side table. He reads it for a couple of hours and then leaves his room and wanders into the lobby.

    There he strikes up a conversation with the pretty young receptionist.

    After she has finished work, they share a few drinks in the bar and then retire to Father O'Dilly's room, but when the priest starts removing her clothes, she begins to have second thoughts.

    "Are you sure this is alright?" she asks. "I mean, you are a priest."

    "Don't worry, my dear," he replies, "it is written in the Bible."

    She believes him and the two of them spend a very pleasant night together.

    But in the morning, as the girl is preparing to leave, she says, "You know, Father, I don't remember that part in the Bible you mentioned last night. Could you show it to me?"

    So the priest takes the Bible from the bed-side table, opens the cover and points to the bottom of the title page, where someone has written in pencil, "The girl in reception screws!"