• Cat's Tail Vs Dick

    Dennis the drunk was broke as usual, but needed a drink. He knew the barman to be a sporting fellow, so he offered him a bet.

    "I'll bet you the price of a pint of beer that my prick is longer than your cat's tail," he said to the barman.

    The barman could not resist a certain winning bet so he lay down his money. The barman whipped up the cat and measured it and then measured Dennis's somewhat sad-looking member.

    "You lose by just over 3 inches, Dennis," he said, "so pay up!"

    "Jus' a minute," slurred Dennis. "Where did you measure th' cat's tail from?"

    "From its arse to its to its tip replied the barman.

    "OK," said Dennis. "Well, would you mind giving me the same courtesy!"
  • Living With a Rare Condition

    A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat.

    The man isn't sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading. A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes pass.

    The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders violently again.

    The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've sneezed and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped your nose then shuddered violently! Are you sending me signals, or are you going crazy."

    The woman replies, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

    The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"

    The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper."
  • Sexual Desire

    The middle-aged woman sought help from her doctor. "All my husband does is complain that I never want to have sex with him. And he's right too. I have no desire at all."

    The doctor gave her a prescription and told her to return for a visit in two weeks.

    After the two weeks were up, she bounced smiling into his office. "Those pills were great Doc, I'm doin' it twice a night now."

    "That's wonderful." said the doctor, "What does you husband say now?"

    "How should I know?" she replied. "I ain't been home yet."
  • Contagious!

    A woman went to the gynecologist, and when asked what was the problem, she responded, "Well, whenever I take off my clothes, my nipples get hard."

    Shocked, the doctor took a deep breath, then asked, "Your nipples get hard?"

    "Yes," quite innocently came her reply.

    "Undress so I can check," replied the still amazed doc. So, she undressed, and he got down to the feeling and massaging, trying to reach an answer. After some considerable time, the doctor, still looked puzzled, said, "Well madame, I don't know what you have, but it's sure as hell contagious!"