|There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked
this one guy how to get a date.|
The guy said, "It's simple. I just say, I'm a lawyer."
So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said "No," he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.
She said, "Oh!!!! Your a lawyer?"
He said, "Why,... Yes I am!"
So they went to his place and when they were in bed, screwing, he started to laugh to himself.
When she asked what was so funny, he answered, "Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing someone!"
|In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the minister.|
The minister asked the janitor, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me? I really have to go to the bathroom and the Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done just give her 10 Hail Mary's and I'll be right back."
Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected the Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession.
"Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable. I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex."
Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation. Surely 10 Hail Mary's would not do. So, in a moment of desperation the janitor peered his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, "Son, what does the minister give for oral sex?"
In reply the altar boy said, "Two Snickers bars and a Coke."
|I don't know how many of you visit the MGM Grand Casino but this may be useful to know. I have become a victim of a clever scam when using the casino's car parking facility. This happened to me and it could happen to you.|
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are about to get in after leaving the casino. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts.
It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another car parking facility in the city.
You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then, one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday... Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, and also yesterday and most likely tomorrow.
|At a Parsi wedding at Allbless Baug, everyone got drunk. The bride's & groom's families wrecked the new reception hall fighting with each other. The police had to break up the fighting.|
The next week, both families were in Mumbai High court.
The judge Soli Dorabji asked, "All right now, what happened?"
Firdaus Rohinton Pavri said, "Sahebji, I was the best man. I should explain what happened."
"Go ahead, Firdaus. Take the stand."
He explained, "Per tradition, the best man got the first dance with the bride Freney. After I finished my first dance, the music kept playing, so I danced a second song & then the music kept going some more, so I danced a third song. All of a sudden, the groom Rustom leapt over the table, ran to us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick, right between her legs!
"The shocked judge said, "By God, that must have hurt!"
"Hurt?" replied Firdaus, `madarchod he broke three of my fingers!"