• False Accusation

    A couple was on vacation up in the woods. One morning, the husband got up before dawn, went fishing and returned, just as his wife was rising. While he slept, she decided to take his boat out to the middle of the lake and read. Unfamiliar with the lake, she picked a likely spot, anchored the boat, and started reading.

    Soon the game warden pulled his boat up alongside hers.

    "What are you doing, Ma'am?" he asked.

    "Reading my book."

    "I'm sorry, Ma'am, but you're in a no-fishing area; I'm gonna have to haul you in."

    "What? I'm not fishing!"

    He replied, "Perhaps; but your boat is filled with fishing gear. You have the equipment. I'm afraid I'm just going to have to write you up!"

    Angry, she snapped, "If you do, I'll charge you with rape."

    The warden was shocked, "But I didn't touch you!"

    To which, she replied, "Yes, but you have the equipment!"
  • Gym Shorts

    Two guys were walking down the street one day when they came across a small pair of gym shorts on the ground.

    They decided to put a sign up on the church bulletin board so the rightful owner could claim them.

    The first one starts to write out the sign, "FOUND: one pair of boys gym shorts."

    "Hold on," says the second, "Those are girls gym shorts."

    "No they're not," says the first, "They're boys shorts!"

    The second grabs them from him and takes a closer look, "No, no... Definitely girls gym shorts!"

    The two of them are inspecting the shorts in turns and arguing.

    "Boys shorts!", "No, girls shorts!", "Definitely boys shorts!" .... and so on.

    The local priest is walking past as the two men argue and can't help but ask them what the commotion is all about.

    The first guy tells the priest, and asks him if he could sort out the argument.

    The priest takes the shorts, has a good long sniff, and after pondering for a few moments he looks at the two men and says, "Definitely boys shorts!..... but not from my parish!"
  • Stiff Neck!

    A man went to visit his grandparents and arrived to find his grandpa sitting on the front porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.

    "Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.

    The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.

    "Grandpa, why are you sitting out here with no pants on?"

    The old man looked at him and said:

    "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!
  • The Sheikh's Punishment

    Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheikh came in.

    "I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."

    The sheikh turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living.

    "I'm a cop," says the first man.

    "Then we will shoot your penis off!" said the sheikh.

    He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.

    "I'm a firemen," said the second man.

    "Then we will burn your penis off!" said the sheikh.

    Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?"

    The third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"