|A businessman is hurrying home on the motorway after a hard days work when he is stopped by a policeman.|
"Do you know you were driving 30 mph over the limit?" asks the policeman.
"Eh, actually no, officer, it's a big car and it just sort of coasts along... you know."
"And what were you planning on doing if you met Mr Fog?" demands the policeman.
"Well," says the businessman, thinking it best to play along, "I suppose I'd ease off on Mr Accelerator, and switch on Mr Headlights and Mr Windscreen wipers."
The policeman leans in the window and eyeballs the businessman. "I asked you what you were planning on doing if you met MIST OR FOG!" And threw the book at him.
|The Goa Police have found a large number of dead crows on the Goa-Karnataka highway early this morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.|
A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu.
The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.
By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The investigators then commissioned an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was any specific reason for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills.
The ornithological behaviourist discovered that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn others of danger.
They finally concluded that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah!", not a single one could shout "Bike!".
|A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant.|
Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. He just walked in the door."
|A rabbi and a priest meet up after a year not seeing each other.|
The rabbi goes, "Man, you've put on some weight since last time!"
Priest: "Yeah I know, it is a new technique I came up with. You go to a restaurant, eat as much as you can. When the bill comes, you tell them you already paid for it."
Rabbi: "Sure, but the waiter won't believe you, right?"
Priest: "Of course he won't. That's when you tell him how dare he doubt a man of faith? It usually works and you can leave without paying."
Rabbi: "Very nice, I'll be trying this."
Later that day, the rabbi goes to his favorite kosher restaurant. After eating 5 plates, the waiter comes up to him with the bill.
Rabbi: "Oh, I already paid."
Waiter: "Mmm, I'm pretty sure you did not sir."
Rabbi: "You know I'm a rabbi, how dare you doubt a man of faith? I told you, I already paid."
Waiter: "So sorry sir, you are right, it must be some misunderstanding, you're good to go."
15 minutes goes by and the rabbi is still at the table. 30 minutes... 45 minutes... 1 hour and he is still there!
The waiter walks up to him, "Sir, why are you still here?"
Rabbi: "Well, I'm waiting for the change!"