• Health is Better Than Wealth

    Morris had died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Morris' Last Will and Testament.
    "To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 150 acres of land, and 1 million dollars.

    To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the new Jaguar.

    To my daughter Shirley, I leave my yacht and $250,000.
    And to my brother-in-law Aaron, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill."
  • Aquaphobic Golfer

    These two couples play golf together regularly at their club, and on the sixth hole, a par four, the second shot to the green must carry 80 yards over water.

    One of the women, Mrs. Smith, for over a year, could never carry the water, and would always hit into it, totally psyched out by the presence of the water.

    Her friend in the group suggested that she might want to see a hypnotherapist to overcome her anxiety near the water. So the woman went to a hypnotherapist for four sessions. In those sessions, the woman was hypnotized and the therapist would "plant suggestions" that when playing the second shot on the sixth hole, she would not see water, but rather a plush green fairway leading all the way up to the green.

    About six months later, a woman at the club asked whatever happened to Mrs. Smith, that she hadn't seen her playing golf at the club for almost four months now.

    She was informed that five months earlier, Mrs. Smith had 'Drowned' at the first leg of the sixth hole!!
  • Always Tell the Truth

    A boy who was a witness to a crime was called to testify in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, "Did anyone tell you what to say in court?"

    "Yes, sir," answered the boy.

    "I thought so," said the attorney. "Who was it?"

    "My father, sir."

    "And what did he tell you?" the attorney asked accusingly.

    "He said that the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I told the truth, everything would be all right."
  • Double-Mutant Triple-Helix Corona Variant- FAQs

    FAQs on single-source double-mutant triple-helix Corona variant in India....

    Q. Why curfew from 8pm to 7am?
    A. Due to rising temperatures with the onset of summer, Corona likes to step out when it gets cool. Hence the curfew.

    Q. Is it safe to attend Kumbh Mela?
    A. Yes. Corona is afraid of religion and does not attack the lakhs who gather to pray to God.

    Q. Is it safe to attend political rallies?
    A. Absolutely. Corona is terrified of politicians, especially the ones who occupy the highest posts.

    Q. Why are only 20 people or less allowed at cremations?
    A. Cremations generate lot of heat, which weakens the virus. It tries to escape by jumping from one person to the other. Research has shown that a critical mass of 21 or more people ensures survival of the virus. Hence the restriction of 20.

    Q. Why are only 50 people or less allowed at weddings?
    A. Indian weddings generate lot of sound & light, which scares the virus (as proved by the PM last year). The virus requires a critical mass of 51 or more people to survive.

    Q. Why does Corona not attack crowded buses?
    A. The virus has mutated and acquired human qualities. It hates road traffic and avoids buses due to the longer commute. Hence crowded buses are safe.

    Q. Are local trains dangerous?
    A. Yes. Corona prefers trains due to the quick commute. Also, the virus enjoys the breeze when standing on the footboard.

    Q. Does online shopping prevent Corona?
    A. Yes. Corona is not able to jump on to fast moving motorcycles and hence does not reach your home.

    Q. Why does Corona not attack slum dwellers & infects only high society residents?
    A. Corona has collaborated with hospitals and labs and targets only highly remunerative markets.

    Q. Does lockdown help?
    A. Indeed it does. Corona hangs around outside the door, waiting for people to step out to pick the newspaper, get the milk, go outside etc. Hence lockdown protects you by ensuring you stay inside your home. Note that Corona never enters your home from under the door, it has a high ego it stays outside till you go out and invite it in.

    Q. Can I see Covid?
    A. Covid is like Maya. It is everywhere & it is nowhere.

    Stay home. Stay safe. Stay mad.