• Assinine aspirations!

    Two asses met in a market; one ass asked the other, ‘Why have you become so weak and sullen, doesn`t your owner treat you well?’
    The other ass replied, ‘No, my owner makes me work throughout the day and does not give me any food. He is very cruel.’
    The first ass said, ‘Why don t you leave his house and run away?’
    The other ass replied: ‘No, I shall not leave his house even if he tortures me, because my owner s daughter is very pretty. Whenever she does any mischief, my owner always abuses her saying that, "One day I will get you married to this donkey", I am waiting for that day to come.’
  • Mad Cow!

    These two cows are in standing in a field.
    One says "Hey, are you worried about that Mad Cow`s Disease?"
    The other one answers "Nah, it can`t affect me, I`m a rabbit."
  • What a cracker!

    A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any crackers?"
    Bar tender says, “No.”
    Duck walks out. Duck walks in the next day and asks, "Got any crackers?"
    Bar tender says, “No.”
    Duck walks out. Duck walks in the next day and asks, “Got any crackers?”
    Bar tender says, "I told you yesterday and the day before that no! And if you ask that one more time I’ll nail your beak shut!"
    Duck walks out. Duck comes back the next day and asks, "Got any nails?"
    Bar tender says, “No.”
    Duck says "Good. Got any crackers?"
  • St. Peter

    After dying this cat walked up to the Pearly Gates where he met St Peter.
    St. Peter says to the cat, "During your time on earth, you were a good little cat. You kept your masters house & barn free of pests, and for this faithful service, you get one wish for anything you would particularly like.”
    The cat thinks for a moment before replying, "Well, my master had this satin pillow that I loved, so I would like a satin pillow just like that one.”
    St. Peter replies, "Go on through you`ll find it waiting."
    A little while later a group of field mice appear at the Pearly Gates.
    St Peter greets them saying, "During your time on earth you were good little field mice. You kept the other pests from destroying the farmers crop, so as a reward you may have anything you like in heaven."
    The field mice converse briefly before one steps forward and says, "The farmers children had roller skates, and they looked like a lot of fun, so that`s what we`d like."
    St Peter replies, "Go on through you`ll find them waitng."
    A while later St Peter was strolling through Heaven when he came across the cat who was sitting on his satin pillow purring contentedly.
    "So how are you enjoying Heaven?" St Peter inquired.
    "Oh, it`s wonderful," answered the cat, "This pillow is just divine, even better than the one I had in Earth, and the Meals on Wheels, *kisses his paw* Nice Touch."