• How long?

    This drunk gets on a bus and asks the driver how long the trip is between Limerick and Cork.
    About two hours," says the conductor.
    "OK," says the drunk "then how long is the trip between Cork and Limerick?"
    The irate driver says to the drunk "It`s still about two hours. Why`d you think there`d be a difference?"
    "Well," says the drunk, "It`s only a week between Christmas and New Year, but it`s a long time between New Year and Christmas !"
  • Hangover !!!

    It was the morning after, and he sat groaning and holding his head.
    "Well, if you hadn`t drunk so much last night you wouldn`t feel so bad now," the wife said tartly.
    "My drinking had nothing to do with it," he answered. "I went to bed feeling wonderful and woke up feeling awful. It was the sleep that did it!"
  • Before brand!

    I happened to be in Stockholm on a business trip last month and was dining in a restaurant. Before ordering my dinner I asked for a whisky.
    "Which is the best Swedish whisky?" I asked the waiter.
    "Sir are you from India?" he asked.
    "Then you must try our very special brand Bofors, it gives you instant kickbacks."
  • Never assume again.....

    There`s this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.

    The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I`ll buy you another drink. I just can`t see a man crying."