|Carl was talking to a girl in a New York City bar. He asked, "Can I get you a drink?"|
The girl replied, "Certainly."
Carl then asked, "What would you like?"
The girl said, "Champagne."
Carl then asked, "Why Champagne?"
The girl replied, "Because when I drink champagne I imagine I am a goddess on the Nile, draped in a long robe, relaxing peacefully, with servants fanning me and dropping peeled grapes into my mouth."
Curious, Carl asked her, "What if I just buy you a draft beer?"
The girl replied, "I'll cut wet farts all night."
|A man walks into a a bar, drinks a couple of beers, and prepares to leave.|
The bartender tells him that he owes $10.
"But I already paid you. Don't you remember?" says the customer.
"OK," says the bartender, "if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."
The man goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid or not.
The second man rushes in, orders a couple beers, and later pulls the same stunt.
The barkeep again replies, "OK, if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."
The customer then heads outside and tells a friend how he too can get free drinks.
The third man hurries in and begins to drink highballs.
The bartender leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid, and both claimed they had. The next guy who tries that stunt is going to get punched in the balls..."
The man interrupts, "Don't bother me with your troubles.
Just give me my change and I'll be on my way.
|Dave was feeling depressed, and his best friend Keith decided to take Dave to the Pub, to try and cheer him up.|
He asked Dave what was it that was troubling him, but Dave didn't want to talk about it. So they sat there getting slowly pissed.
Keith matched Dave drink for drink, trying to get him to talk about what was troubling him.
Gentle prodding was ignored until finally, after downing the sixth, Dave blurted out, "OK, it's your wife."
"My wife?" his Keith demanded. "What about my wife?"
"I think she's cheating on us."
|"What's that drink you're mixing" the stranger asked the bartender in the upscale Tex-Mex bar.|
"I call it a lil' Texas Shooter", said the bartender as he continued to mix up several batches of the drink.
"What's in it ?" asked the stranger.
"Sugar, milk and rum." said the barkeep.
"Is it good ?" asked the man.
"Sure is senor." said the bartender smiling. "The sugar gives you pep, and the milk gives you plenty of energy."
"And the rum?" asked the stranger.
"Hell man. That gives ya plenty of ideas what to do with all that pep and energy." quipped the bartender.