• Putin Jokes

    Just as we have Rajinikanth jokes, in Russia they have Putin jokes.....

    When Putin was late for school, the teacher punished the whole class for being early.

    When Putin's phone rings in the theater, they pause the movie.

    Doctor: "You have Cancer".

    Putin: "Tell it, it has two weeks to live."

    When Putin looks in the mirror, there's no reflection because there is only 1 Putin.

    When Putin was born, he named his parents.

    Russia didn't choose him, he chose Russia.

    Putin Arriving at Foreign Country's Airport:
    Customs Officer: "Occupation?"
    Putin: "No, just visiting."

    Putin calls 911 to ask what is their emergency.

    Putin built the hospital in which he was born.

    This guy never flushes the toilet, he just scares the shit out of it.

    When Putin was born, he slapped the doctor for not crying.

    When Putin didn't go to school, the school declared it a Holiday.

    Stop calling him Russian James Bond. James Bond is British Vladimir Putin.

    When Putin creates an account, the terms and conditions agree with him.

    When Putin coughs, Covid wears a mask.
  • Celebrity Customer

    David Beckham gets in a taxi at Dublin airport. He notices the driver looks at him insistently in the rearview mirror.

    After 5 minutes the taxi driver asks, "Ok. At least give me a hint."

    David Beckham sighs and says, "I had a brilliant career at Manchester United, married one of the Spice Girls and played for more than 100 times for England's national team. Enough?"

    Driver replies, "No, you idiot! Where are we going??"
  • The Royal Saas-Bahu Saga

    So the Saas Bahu saga has not spared Buckingham Palace too. Just when Prince Harry and Meghan Markle decided to become financially independent and move to US/ Canada, all hell broke loose.

    Dadi-Saas, the Queen is furious because "Khandaan Ka Chhota Chirag" has got influenced by "Chhoti Bahu" and is breaking "Rajwaadon" Ka centuries old tradition of feeding on taxpayer's money.

    Chachaji, Bade Bhaiyya and Bhabhi are upset coz, "Humse Toh Salah Mashwara Kiya Hi Nahin, Khud Hi Decide Kar Liya... Ye Hi Izzat Hai Hamari Unke Dil Mein!!!"

    I'm sure somewhere some Maami - Chachi must be feeling vindicated, "Maine Kaha Tha Meri Devrani Ki Behen Ki Beti Se Shaadi Karo Harry Ki... Us Amriki Ladki Ko Ghar Mein Laoge Toh Ghar Toot Jaayega. Bahu Nahin, Nagin Hai Nagin. Dekhna, Ek Din Mere Harry Ko Bhi Dhokha Degi... Tab Dauda Chale Aayega Humse Maafi Maangne."

    There must be speculations regarding "Ghar Ka Bantwara... Jaamun Ka Ped Kiske Hisse Mein Aayega". And of course, "Log Kya Kahenge... Royal prince and Dutchess working to earn a livelihood... Khandaan Ka Naam Mitti Mein Mila Diya Beta Bahu Ne."

    Prince William must be standing in front of Lady Diana's pic, consoling his dad and saying, "Aaj Maa Zinda Hoti To Aisa Kabhi Nahin Hone Deti."

    But I think Badi Bahu, Kate Middleton must be having the last laugh, "Chhote Ghar Se Hui Toh Kya Hua... Sanskar Aur Khandaan Ki Pratishtha Toh Maine Hi Sambhali Hai..."
  • Bill Gates' Old Friend

    A guy ordered a drink in an airport cocktail lounge and suddenly realized that sitting across from him was Bill Gates.

    Barely concealing his enthusiasm, he introduced himself, "Hello, Mr. Gates. My name is Larry. You don't know me, but I'd like to ask you for a small favor."

    A wary Gates asked, "And what might that be?"

    "I'm meeting with a potential client here in a few minutes and if I can sign this deal, it could change my whole life. All I ask is that you walk over and greet me like an old friend. Perhaps my client will be impressed enough to swing the deal."

    Relieved, Gates said, "Sure. I can do that for you."

    A few minutes later, as the man sat talking with his client, Gates finished his drink, walked over to them, and said, "Hey, Larry! I thought that was you. How've you been?"

    And the guy replied, "F*¬Ęk off, Gates! I'm in a meeting here!"