• Eye Test

    Seamus is having a bit of trouble seeing things at a distance so he goes into an opticians for an eye test.

    The optician asks him to cover his right eye with his left hand and read the letters on the card. Now Seamus has always had difficulty telling right from left so the optician says not to worry and to cover his left eye with his left hand and then read the letters on the card but still Seamus has problems.

    The optician, being a helpful chap, has a brilliant idea and taking a cardboard box, cuts out two small square holes and puts it over Seamus' head with the words, "There, now cover up one of the holes and read the letters on the card through the other hole."

    Seamus however bursts into tears and the optician becomes very concerned, takes the box off his head and askes why he's crying.

    Seamus replies, "I wanted a metal frame like me brother's got."
  • A Poor Family

    In a very exclusive private school near California's Silicon Valley, a third-grade teacher was lecturing her upper-high-class students about the less fortunate. She asked them each to write an essay about a poor family in the area.

    One little girl's paper began, "Once upon a time there was a poor family. The father was poor. The mother was poor. The children were poor. The nannies were poor. The pool man was poor. The personal trainer was poor. The gardeners were poor... This was a very poor family!"
  • Word of the Day

    A little girl in first grade was doing very well especially in spelling. One day she came home with new words to study for an upcoming test and she asked her mother to help. They came to the word "knit" and her mother asked her to spell it.

    She said, "N-i-t."

    Her mother said, "No, try again."

    She said, very slowly, "N-i-t."

    Her mother said, "Now, honey, I know you know how to spell this word, try again."

    Very aggravated and very slowly, as if her mother was just not getting the whole picture, she spelled, "N-I-T!"

    Finally, her mother told her that the correct spelling was k-n-i-t. The little girl looked at her mother, put her hands on her hips and said, "THE 'K' IS SILENT!"
  • Proud Of Daddy

    Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers.

    The first boy says, "My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $50."

    The second boy says, "That's nothing. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $100."

    The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"