• Who's Stupid?

    A young boy enters the barber shop and Bill Soprovitch the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

    The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"

    The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber.

    "That kid never learns!"

    Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

    "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

    The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!!!!"
  • Explaining Poo

    A little boy asks his dad, "Where does poo come from?"

    His father is taken aback by the question but decides to give his son the facts straight up.

    "Well son," he says, "food passes down the esophagus by peristalsis. It enters the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal. This contracts the protein before waste enters the colon. Water is absorbed, whereupon it enters the rectum finally to emerge as poo."

    "Wow," says the boy. "So where does Tigger come from?"
  • Children and Wisdom

    A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders.....6-year-olds, because the last one is classic!

    Better to be safe than...................... punch a 5th grader.

    Strike while the..................... bug is close.

    It's always darkest before..................... Daylight Saving Time.

    Never underestimate the power of..................... termites.

    You can lead a horse to water but...................... how?

    Don't bite the hand that...................... looks dirty.

    No news is..................... impossible.

    A miss is as good as a..................... Mr.

    You can't teach an old dog new..................... math.

    If you lie down with dogs, you'll..................... stink in the morning.

    Love all, trust..................... me.

    The pen is mightier than the..................... pigs.

    An idle mind is..................... the best way to relax.

    Where there's smoke there's..................... pollution.

    Happy the bride who..................... gets all the presents.

    A penny saved is..................... not much.

    Two's company, three's..................... the Musketeers.

    Don't put off till tomorrow what..................... you put on to go to bed.

    Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and..................... you have to blow your nose.

    There are none so blind as..................... Stevie Wonder.

    Children should be seen and not..................... spanked or grounded.

    If at first you don't succeed..................... get new batteries.

    You get out of something only what you..................... see in the picture on the box.

    When the blind leadeth the blind..................... get out of the way.


    And the favorite:
    Better late than..................... pregnant!!!!
  • Your Prayer Has Been Heard

    A college student wrote a letter home:

    Dear folks, I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.

    Your son, Marvin.

    P.S.I felt so terrible I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed to God that I could get it back.But it was too late.



    A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said: Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came!