• Little Heart

    Little Johnny was attending his first day of school.

    The teacher advised the class to start the day with the pledge of allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag.

    "When his eyes fell upon Little Johnny, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks. "Little Johnny, I will not continue until you put your hand over your heart."

    Little Johnny replied, "It is over my heart."

    After several attempts to get Little Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?"

    "Because every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie!"
  • Fertilizer

    A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer.

    A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?"

    "Fertilizer," the farmer replied.

    "What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy.

    "Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.

    "You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."
  • Strange Neighbours

    There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in.

    After a week or two, his mother called to see how her son was doing in his new life.

    "I'm fine, " Angus said. "But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time."

    "Well, my dear," says his mother, "I suggest you don't associate with people like that."

    "Oh," says Angus, "I don't, Mam, I don't. No, I just stay inside my apartment all day and night, playing my bagpipes."
  • Honest Lawyer!

    Two small boys were overheard talking one day.

    "My name is Jimmy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

    "Johnnie," replied the second.

    "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Jimmy.

    Johnnie replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."

    "Honest?" asked Jimmy.

    "No, just the regular kind", replied Johnnie.