• Xmas Shopping

    Christmas was coming near and it was time for Little Johnny to finish his holiday shopping. He went into a toy shop, took a toy plane, gave the shopkeeper fake money and started to leave.

    The shopkeeper spoke up, "Excuse me little boy, this isn't real money."

    Little Johnny didn't reply and continued walking.

    The shopkeeper repeated himself, but Johnny kept walking.

    The third time the shopkeeper called him, Johnny replied, "What?"

    The shopkeeper said, "I'm sorry, young man, but this is not real money."

    Johnny looked at the plane in his hands, looked at the shopkeeper and finally said, "And this isn't a real plane."
  • Pregnant Lady

    A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctor's office.

    He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"

    She replied, "I'm having a baby."

    With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"

    She answered, "He sure is."

    Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"

    She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."

    With an even more surprised and shocked look he asked, "Then why did you eat him?"
  • Little Heart

    Little Johnny was attending his first day of school.

    The teacher advised the class to start the day with the pledge of allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag.

    "When his eyes fell upon Little Johnny, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks. "Little Johnny, I will not continue until you put your hand over your heart."

    Little Johnny replied, "It is over my heart."

    After several attempts to get Little Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?"

    "Because every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie!"
  • Fertilizer

    A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer.

    A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?"

    "Fertilizer," the farmer replied.

    "What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy.

    "Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.

    "You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."