• IT Conversation :

    Husband: (Returning late from work) "Good Evening Dear, I`m now logged in."
    Wife???: Have you brought the grocery?
    Husband: Bad command or filename.
    Wife???: But I told you in the morning!
    Husband: Erroneous syntax. Abort?
    Wife???: What about my new TV?
    Husband: Variable not found ...
    Wife???: At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.
    Husband: Sharing Violation. Access denied...
    Wife???: Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny?
    Husband: Too many parameters...
    Wife???: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.
    Husband: Data type mismatch.
    Wife???: You are useless.
    Husband: It`s by Default.
    Wife???: What about your Salary?
    Husband: File in use ... Try later.
    Wife???: What is my value in the family.
    Husband: Unknown Virus

    MORAL: Beware before getting married to an IT pro.
  • Computer lingo meaning for a farmer!

    LOG ON: Making the wood stove hotter
    LOG OFF: Don`t add wood
    MONITOR : Keep an eye on the wood stove
    MEGAHERTZ: When a big log drops on your barefoot in the morning
    FLOPPY DISK : What you get from piling too much wood
    RAM: The hydraulic thing that makes the woodsplitter work
    DRIVE: Getting home during most of the winter
    PROMPT: What you wish the mail was during the snow season
    ENTER: Come on in
    WINDOWS: What you shut when it gets 10 below normal
    SCREEN: What is a must during black fly season
    CHIP: What you munch during Vikings games
    MICROCHIP: What`s left in the bag when the chips are gone
    MODEM: What you did to the hay fields last July
    DOT MATRIX: Eino Matrix`s wife
    LAPTOP: Where the grandkids sit
    KEYBOARD: Where you suppose to put the keys so that Misses can find them
    SOFTWARE: The plastic picnic utensils, ya?
    MOUSE: What leaves them little turds in the cupboard
    MAINFRAME: The part of the sauna that holds up the roof
    PORT: Where do commericial fishing boats dock
    RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When you can`t remember how much you spent on the new deer rifle when the wife asks about it.
  • What computer acronyms really stand for:

    ISDN - It Still Does Nothing
    APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
    WWW - World Wide Wait
    DOS - Defunct Operating System
    IBM - I Blame Microsoft
    MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
    PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
    AMIGA - A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
    MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
    WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
    MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
  • NASA`a Chickens:

    Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
    British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.
    When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer`s backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow. The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions.
    NASA responded with a one-line memo:
    "Thaw the chickens".