• General Motors vs. Microsoft...

    At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
    In response to Mr. Gates` comments, General Motors issued the following press release (by Mr. Welch himself, the GM CEO: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

    1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice daily.
    2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
    3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver, such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
    4. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.
    5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive.
    6. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by one "general car default" warning light.
    7. New seats would force everyone to have the samesize bottom.
    8. The airbag system would ask ("Are you sure?" before going off).
    9. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
    10. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary),even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car`s performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice department.
    11. Every time GM introduced a new model car,buyers would have to learn driving all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
    12. You`d press the "start" button to shut off the engine.
  • Kindly propose !

    Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer.
    Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead. During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring.
    Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted, "Well, don`t you have something to ask me?"
    Dave then got down on bended knee. "Honey," he said, "will you buy me a new computer?"
  • Top 10 Signs that You`ve Overdosed on The World Wide Web

    Your opening line is: "So, what`s your homepage address?"
    You see a beautiful sunset, and you half-expect to see "Enhanced for Netscape 4.0" on one of the clouds.
    You are overcome with disbelief, anger, and finally depressed acceptance when you encounter a Webpage with no links.
    You felt driven to consult the "Cool Page of the Day" on your wedding day.
    Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
    You are driving on a dark and rainy night when you hydroplane on a puddle, sending your car careening towards the flimsy guardrail that separates you the precipice of a rocky cliff and certain death, and you desperately look for the "Back" button.
    You visit "The Really Big Button That Doesn`t Do Anything" again and again and again.
    Your dog has his own webpage.
    So does your hamster.
    When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.
  • You know you are an Internet Junkie when...

    When asked to your address, your answer begins with http://
    Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.
    You chat with your fingers, not your mouth.
    You use Netscape 4.72, and you check every week whether version 4.73 was released.
    You know the difference between Java and Javascript.
    Most of your friends have an @ in their names.
    In order to watch CNN you move to www.cnn.com
    On your business card the e-mail appears before the phone number.
    You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
    You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
    You can perfectly imitate the sound pattern of your modem connecting to your ISP.
    You are told about a new program, and you are disappointed to find that it is a TV program.
    You can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than :-).
    You are told about a new program, and you are disappointed to find that it is a TV program.
    Not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your network address faster than your postal one.
    You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.