• Don't Mess With Old People

    An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler.

    He gave her his name. In a very loud voice the receptionist said, "Yes, I see your name here. You want to see the doctor about impotence, right?"

    All of the patients in the waiting room snapped their head around to look at the very embarrassed man.

    He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "No, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation and I'd like the same doctor that did yours!"
  • Will I Live To See 80?

    I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, she said I was doing fairly well for my age.

    A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking her, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

    "She asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?"

    "Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either!"

    Then she asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

    I said, "Not much... My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

    "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"

    "No, I don't," I said.

    She asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"

    "No," I said...

    She looked at me and said, "Then why in heck do you want to live to be 80??" Have a GREAT day!
  • Paranoid Personality Disorder

    A man was lying on the psychiatrist's couch as his therapist addressed him.

    "Well, Jim. I'm pleased to announce that this will be our final session. I believe that you finally are cured of your paranoia."

    "Yes, doctor. I am."

    "I remember how you used to think that men in black were following you everywhere. But you don't believe that anymore, do you?"

    "No, doctor. I don't"

    "I remember also how you used to think that black helicopters were hovering over your house. But you don't believe that anymore either, do you?"

    "No, doctor. I don't"

    "Finally, I remember how you used to think that CIA agents were monitoring your mail, bugging your phone, and snooping into your affairs. But you don't believe that anymore either, do you?"

    "No, doctor. I don't. Thanks to your therapy, I no longer harbor such delusions. In fact, you've been so helpful to me, that I'm really sorry that I have to kill you now," said Jim, as he pulled out a gun.

    The psychiatrist was shocked. "Wait a minute. Why do you have to kill me?"

    "You know too much."
  • The Veterinarian-Taxidermist

    There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.

    Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income.

    He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, "Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way, you get your dog back!"