• Who Listens?

    Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70.

    They rode on the elevator together at the end of an unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was fresh and relaxed.

    "I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can listen to patients from morning till night on a day like this and still look so spry and un-bothered when it's over?"

    The older analyst said simply, "Who listens?"
  • Maid's Advice

    A business executive injured his leg skiing one weekend. By the time he got home Sunday, the leg was very swollen and he was having difficulty walking, so he called his physician at his home. The doctor told him to soak it in hot water.

    He tried soaking it in hot water but the leg became more swollen and more painful.

    His maid saw him limping and said, "I don't know, I'm only a maid, but I always thought it was better to use cold water, not hot, for swelling."

    He tried switching to cold water, and the swelling rapidly subsided.

    On Monday morning he called his Doctor again to complain, "Say Doc, what kind of a doctor are you anyway? You told me to soak my leg in hot water and it got worse. My maid told me to use cold water and it got better."

    "Really?" answered the doctor, "I don't understand it - my maid said hot water."
  • Health Checkup

    Old Sam Johnson goes to his doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body. After a thorough examination, the doctor gives him a clean bill of health.

    "Sam, you're in excellent shape for an 80 year old man. But I'm not a magician - I can't make you any younger," says the doctor.

    "Who asked you to make me younger?" says Sam. "You just make sure I get older!"
  • Health Conscious

    A man goes to consult a specialist about his medical problem. After the visit the man asks, "How much do I owe you?"

    "My fee is five hundred dollars," replies the physician.

    "Five hundred dollars? That's impossible. No one charges that much!"
    "In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred."

    "Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous."

    "Well, then, could you afford two hundred?"

    "Who has that kind of money?"

    "Look, replies the doctor," growing irritated, `Just give me fifty bucks and get out."

    "I can give you twenty says the man. Take it or leave it."

    "I don't understand you," says the doctor. "Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in New York if you have no money?"

    "Listen, Doctor," says the patient, "When it comes to my health, nothing is too expensive."