• Old man woes!

    Old man Murray goes to the doctor with a very worried look on his face.
    "Doctor," he says, "You`ve got to help me. Do you remember those voices in my head I always complain about?"
    "Yes," the doctor replies.
    "Well they`ve suddenly gone away," Murray says.
    "So what`s the problem?"
    "I think I`m going deaf."
  • Acute headache !

    A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.
    Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post operation shock, spoke to the young surgeon in training about it.
    "Don`t worry about a thing, nurse," the young doctor assured her. "He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic."
  • Psychiatrist`s help:

    Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I ve got a trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there`s somebody under it. I get under the bed; I think there`s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under, you got to help me, I`m going crazy!"
    "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I`ll cure your fears."
    "How much do you charge?"
    "A hundred dollars per visit."
    "I`ll sleep on it," said Shakey.
    Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street.
    "Why didn`t you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
    "For a hundred buck`s a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."
    "Is that so! How?"
    "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
  • Great memory...

    Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
    "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They Augustht us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was great."
    "That is great! And what was the name of the clinic?"
    Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but could not remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
    "You mean a rose?"
    "Yes, that`s it!" He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?"