|Got to be careful while paying by credit card!!!!|
Yesterday I got my permit to carry a concealed weapon.
So, today I went over to the local Gun shop to get a handgun for home/personal protection.
When I was ready to pay for the pistol and ammo, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."
Making a mental note to complain to the government about gun control wackos running amok... I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided... I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader..!!!
As a senior citizen... I do not get flustered often... but this time it took me a while to get my pants back on!!!
I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors a little more clear. And I just need to wear underwear more often.
|The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another
twenty minutes and repeated his question.|
This time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.
"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any."
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world."
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said, "It's easy, I just outlived the useless bitches."
|A Mallu woman went for a job interview for the post of a Secretary.|
The Manager saw the woman's colorful clothes, gold jewellery, extra coconut oiled hair, and his mind was screaming: "NOT THIS WOMAN."
Nevertheless he had to interview her. So told her: If you make a sentence using all the words that I give you, then maybe I give you a chance at the job. The words are:
The enthusiastic Mallu sat staring at the ceiling thinking for a while. She then let out a dorky laugh and said, "I hear the phone ring, GREEN GREEN GREEN,
then O go PINK up the phone,
I say YELLOW...
Sorry WHITE did you say? Aiyyo...
Don't simbly PURPLELY disturb people and don't call me BLACK next time WOKAY !!... Thank you"
Pass it on to get a free pack of benana chibbs.
(Joking, zimbly read and yenjay)
|There was once a Sheep Farmer who needed help with his farm, especially, the difficult task of castrating some of his inferior male Sheep to keep them from breeding with the Females.|
He hired a Frenchman who didn't speak much English, but was a very good worker. After the first day, they had successfully castrated 14 sheep and his French worker was just about to throw away the severed, "parts", when the Sheep Farmer yelled, "No, Don't throw those away. My Wife fries them up and we eat them ... they're delicious, and we call them 'Sheep Fries'."
Later that day, the French hired-hand came in for supper and, indeed, he thought that the "Sheep Fries" were very tasty.
The next day, they castrated 16 Sheep, and that evening they all settled down to another supper of "Sheep Fries".
On the third day, however, when the Sheep Farmer came in for supper, he asked his wife where the French hired-hand was.
"You know, it's the weirdest thing," she said. "I told Him that since there weren't that many 'Sheep Fries' this evening, we were also going to have French Fries ... and he ran like his ass was on fire!"