• Health is Better Than Wealth

    Morris had died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Morris' Last Will and Testament.
    "To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 150 acres of land, and 1 million dollars.

    To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the new Jaguar.

    To my daughter Shirley, I leave my yacht and $250,000.
    And to my brother-in-law Aaron, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill."
  • Double-Mutant Triple-Helix Corona Variant- FAQs

    FAQs on single-source double-mutant triple-helix Corona variant in India....

    Q. Why curfew from 8pm to 7am?
    A. Due to rising temperatures with the onset of summer, Corona likes to step out when it gets cool. Hence the curfew.

    Q. Is it safe to attend Kumbh Mela?
    A. Yes. Corona is afraid of religion and does not attack the lakhs who gather to pray to God.

    Q. Is it safe to attend political rallies?
    A. Absolutely. Corona is terrified of politicians, especially the ones who occupy the highest posts.

    Q. Why are only 20 people or less allowed at cremations?
    A. Cremations generate lot of heat, which weakens the virus. It tries to escape by jumping from one person to the other. Research has shown that a critical mass of 21 or more people ensures survival of the virus. Hence the restriction of 20.

    Q. Why are only 50 people or less allowed at weddings?
    A. Indian weddings generate lot of sound & light, which scares the virus (as proved by the PM last year). The virus requires a critical mass of 51 or more people to survive.

    Q. Why does Corona not attack crowded buses?
    A. The virus has mutated and acquired human qualities. It hates road traffic and avoids buses due to the longer commute. Hence crowded buses are safe.

    Q. Are local trains dangerous?
    A. Yes. Corona prefers trains due to the quick commute. Also, the virus enjoys the breeze when standing on the footboard.

    Q. Does online shopping prevent Corona?
    A. Yes. Corona is not able to jump on to fast moving motorcycles and hence does not reach your home.

    Q. Why does Corona not attack slum dwellers & infects only high society residents?
    A. Corona has collaborated with hospitals and labs and targets only highly remunerative markets.

    Q. Does lockdown help?
    A. Indeed it does. Corona hangs around outside the door, waiting for people to step out to pick the newspaper, get the milk, go outside etc. Hence lockdown protects you by ensuring you stay inside your home. Note that Corona never enters your home from under the door, it has a high ego it stays outside till you go out and invite it in.

    Q. Can I see Covid?
    A. Covid is like Maya. It is everywhere & it is nowhere.

    Stay home. Stay safe. Stay mad.
  • Issues in English

    A Chinese man boarded a flight to Chicago and promptly sat down on the first seat he encountered. He was soon told that seat was reserved for flight attendants.

    With his limited English he did not fully understand what he was told but hand signals soon got him to move a little further back.

    Soon there was another person persuading him to move out of first class. Again he moved further back. There was yet another discussion and he took no further chances and went to the very last seat in the tourist section.

    Some time later a flight attendant asked him if he was 'for coffee'? Furious he replied, "You foh coffee, I stayah hee."
  • Future Value

    A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.

    "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."

    The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.

    "Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."