• The Fastest Thing

    Four men applied for the same job and were equally qualified so the interviewer decided to ask them one extra question to display their creativity: "What is the fastest thing you can think of and why?"

    The first man answered, "A thought, because it just pops into your head without warning."

    "Good," replied the interviewer and turned to the second man, "And you?"

    The second man said, "A blink, because it comes and goes and you don't know it happened."

    "Good," said the interviewer and looked at the third man. "Light, because when you flip a switch, the light comes on instantaneously."

    "Science says nothing is faster than light," said the interviewer.

    Then it was Murphy's turn. Murphy proclaimed, "The fastest thing is diarrhea."

    "What?!" spurted the stunned interviewer.

    "Why? How?"

    Murphy finished, "Well, the other day, when I weren't feeling so good, I ran for the bathroom but before I could think, blink, or turn on the light, I shit my pants!"
  • Backlog of Prayers

    God is happy! He has cleared all the backlog of prayers of his devotee's.

    1. Kids: I wish we had no school and play all day.

    2. Women: I want the undivided attention of my husband.

    3. Husbands: I'm sick of this traffic, I wish I could work from home.

    4. Working Moms: I wish I could spend some quality time with my kids and read.

    5. Students: I wish I had no exams?

    6. Old Parents: I wish our kids could spend more time with us rather than being busy everyday.

    7. Employee: I'm slogging too much, need a break.

    8. Employers: I have no life of my own, I wish could relax.

    9. Earth: I cant breathe, I wish I could get a break from all this pollution and chaos... Done!

    Beware of what you wish - You might just get it.... Without Warning!
  • Health Is Wealth

    Morris had died.

    His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Morris' Last Will and Testament.

    To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 150 acres of land, and 1 million dollars.

    To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the new Jaguar.

    To my daughter Shirley, I leave my yacht and $250,000.

    And to my brother-in-law Aaron, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill.
  • Surviving Canadian Winters

    The Collins family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. For generations, their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between Canada and the United States. Mrs. Collins, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and two grandchildren.

    One day, her son rushed into her room with a letter in his hand. "Mom, I have some news," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?"

    "What do I think?" his mother replied. "Jump at it! Call them immediately and tell them we accept. I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!"