• Hot Stock!

    A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. "I think this one will really move," said the broker. "It's only $1 a share."

    "Buy me 1,000 shares," said the client.

    The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, "You were right. Give me 5,000 more shares."

    The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.

    The client ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10,000 more shares."

    "Great!" said the broker.

    The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.

    Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, "Sell all my shares!"

    The broker asked, "To who? You were the only one buying that stock."
  • Beef Tongue vs Eggs!

    A lady goes into the butcher shop and as she is walking around the store, she spies a beef tongue in the butcher's counter.

    The lady asks, "What in the world is that?"

    "Beef tongue," replies the butcher!

    The lady gives a little involuntary shudder, "Ewww! Gross! No way would I put anything in my mouth that came out of an animal's mouth!"

    The butcher nods sympathetically while peeking into the woman's shopping cart, "I see you're buying a dozen eggs!"
  • Mister Fog!

    A businessman is hurrying home on the motorway after a hard days work when he is stopped by a policeman.

    "Do you know you were driving 30 mph over the limit?" asks the policeman.

    "Eh, actually no, officer, it's a big car and it just sort of coasts along... you know."

    "And what were you planning on doing if you met Mr Fog?" demands the policeman.

    "Well," says the businessman, thinking it best to play along, "I suppose I'd ease off on Mr Accelerator, and switch on Mr Headlights and Mr Windscreen wipers."

    The policeman leans in the window and eyeballs the businessman. "I asked you what you were planning on doing if you met MIST OR FOG!" And threw the book at him.
  • Dead Crows

    The Goa Police have found a large number of dead crows on the Goa-Karnataka highway early this morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

    A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu.

    The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.

    By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars.

    The investigators then commissioned an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was any specific reason for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills.

    The ornithological behaviourist discovered that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn others of danger.

    They finally concluded that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah!", not a single one could shout "Bike!".