|A police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance.|
The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the officer and the "Heavy Weight Boxing Champion of the World."
Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist too, probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded.
"If I had some chains," the officer continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes.
"I can't get out of these," the giant growled.
"Are you sure?" the officer asked.
The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."
"In that case," said the officer, "you're under arrest."
|Got to be careful while paying by credit card!!!!|
Yesterday I got my permit to carry a concealed weapon.
So, today I went over to the local Gun shop to get a handgun for home/personal protection.
When I was ready to pay for the pistol and ammo, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."
Making a mental note to complain to the government about gun control wackos running amok... I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided... I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader..!!!
As a senior citizen... I do not get flustered often... but this time it took me a while to get my pants back on!!!
I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors a little more clear. And I just need to wear underwear more often.
|The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another
twenty minutes and repeated his question.|
This time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.
"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any."
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world."
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said, "It's easy, I just outlived the useless bitches."
|A Mallu woman went for a job interview for the post of a Secretary.|
The Manager saw the woman's colorful clothes, gold jewellery, extra coconut oiled hair, and his mind was screaming: "NOT THIS WOMAN."
Nevertheless he had to interview her. So told her: If you make a sentence using all the words that I give you, then maybe I give you a chance at the job. The words are:
The enthusiastic Mallu sat staring at the ceiling thinking for a while. She then let out a dorky laugh and said, "I hear the phone ring, GREEN GREEN GREEN,
then O go PINK up the phone,
I say YELLOW...
Sorry WHITE did you say? Aiyyo...
Don't simbly PURPLELY disturb people and don't call me BLACK next time WOKAY !!... Thank you"
Pass it on to get a free pack of benana chibbs.
(Joking, zimbly read and yenjay)