• Ice Fishing Competition

    Once upon a time, long, long ago there was a season when neither the Browns nor the Steelers made the post season playoffs. It seemed so unusual that the management of both teams got together and decided that there should be some sort of competition between the two teams, because of their great rivalry. So, they decided on a week long ice fishing competition. The team that catches the most fish at the end of the week wins.

    So on a cold freezing day on Lake Erie they began their contest.

    The first day after 8 hours of fishing the Browns had caught 0 fish and the Steelers had 100. At the end of the 2nd day the Browns had caught 0 fish and the Steelers 200.

    That evening the Browns coach got his team together and said, "I suspect some kind of cheating is taking place."

    So the next morning he dressed one of his players in black and yellow and sent him over to the Steelers camp to act as a spy. At the end of the day he came back to report to the coach.

    The coach asked, "Well, how about it, are they cheating?"

    "They sure are!" the player reported, "They're cutting holes in the ice."
  • Call of Nature

    A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed.

    When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles.

    The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her.

    Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the lady's room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out.

    The three cops were standing their waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."
  • What's Wrong With Me?

    An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me."

    "Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor. "Do you drink much?"

    "Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaller. Never touch a drop."

    "How about smoking?" asked the doctor.

    "Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad and I have strong principles against it."

    "Well, uh," asked the doctor, "do you have much of a sex life?"

    "Oh, no," said the man.

    "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 10:30 every night... always have been."

    The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?"

    "Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head."

    "OK," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight."
  • Glamour of Show Business

    A man is hired by the circus to perform a necessary but rather unpleasant task. He is asked to walk behind the elephants in the center ring, shoveling aside their droppings as they walk about. After a rather difficult evening at work, he goes to the circus cafeteria, sits with other workers, and begins complaining about his work.

    "It's just terrible work, walking behind those huge beasts and first dodging, then shoveling aside the dung they produce. My arms are tired, my shoes and pants are a mess, and I'll have to shower before I return home, because of the stink."

    His friends at work agree, "Why don't you just quit this miserable job and find something more rewarding to do. You have to have some skills and talents that you can put to use somewhere else."

    He looks at them, stunned, "You know, you're probably right, but I just can't give up the glamour of show business!"