|I was meeting a friend in a bar and as I went in, I noticed two pretty girls looking at me.|
"Nine," I heard one whisper as I passed.
Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl had just rated me a nine out of ten.
"I don't want to ruin it for you," he said, "but when I walked in, they were speaking German."
"So what does 'nine' mean in German?"
"It means 'No'."
|A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rearview mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140, then 150,... then 155,... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.|
The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."
The Man looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied:- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!
The Cop left saying, "Have a good day, Sir..."
|A woman received a call that her daughter was sick. She stopped by the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground.|
She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her HELP. Within a minute a beat up old motorcycle pulled up. A bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.
She said, "Yes, my daughter is sick. I've locked my keys in my car. I must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure."
He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open.
She hugged the man and through tears said, "Thank You SO Much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of PRISON yesterday, I was in prison for car theft."
The woman hugged the man again sobbing, "Oh, thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!"
|A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man's truck and said, "Why are these penguins in your truck?"
The man replied, "These are my penguins. They belong to me."
"You need to take them to the zoo," the policeman said.
The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!" the officer said.
"I did," the man replied. "And today I'm taking them to the beach."