• Decent Crook

    After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report.

    Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

    There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert.

    The note reads: I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.

    Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from throughout the house, from basement to attic.

    And, there is a note on the door reading: Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?
  • Ghost Voter!!!

    Sreedhar Uncle came out after casting his vote from the polling booth.

    He asked the polling agent, "Did my wife come to cast her vote ??"

    The agent looked at the list and said, "Yes! She was here sometime back."

    Mr. Sreedhar became sad and said, "I wish I was here a bit early. I would have met her."

    The agent was surprised and asked him, "Doesn't she stay with you anymore???"

    "No! She passed away 15 years ago. But I have seen that she comes to cast her vote whenever there is an election."
  • Childbirth at 65

    With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.

    "May I see the new baby?" I asked

    "Not yet," She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."

    Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, "May I see the new baby now?"

    "No, not yet," She said.

    After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, "May I see the baby now?"

    "No, not yet,"' replied my friend.

    Growing very impatient, I asked, "Well, when can I see the baby?"

    "WHEN HE CRIES!" she told me.

    "WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?"

  • Weather Cows

    A Midwest farmer was describing his lifestyle to a touring group of city folks. "One of the benefits of this profession," he explained, "is that we have built-in weather predictions."

    "What do you mean by that?" asked one inquisitive visitor.

    "When the cows are standing," the farmer explained, "it means no rain is likely for the next twenty-four hours. When they're lying down, it means it's going to rain."

    "On our bus trip," another visitor piped in, "I saw half the herd standing and the other half lying down. What does that mean?"

    The farmer flashed a smile and answered, "That means half of them are wrong."