• Duck Hunting Gone Wrong

    This is from a radio program, a true report of an incident in Minnesota:

    A guy buys a brand new Lincoln Navigator truck for $46,500 and has $560 monthly payments.

    He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake with their guns, a dog, and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready.

    Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it's going to take a little more effort than an ice hole auger.

    So, out of the back of the new Navigator truck comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse.

    Now, these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and from the new Navigator truck), and they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the lit dynamite fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast.

    They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite as far away as they can.

    Remember a couple of sentences back when I mentioned the vehicle, the guns, and the dog??

    Let's talk about the dog: It's a highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING. Especially well trained at retrieving things thrown by the owner.

    You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice.

    The two men yell, scream, wave their arms and wonder what to do now. The dog, cheered on, keeps coming. One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog.

    The shotgun is loaded with #8 birdshot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, but continues on.

    Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinking these two geniuses have gone insane.

    The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator truck. The men continue to yell as they run away. The exhaust pipe on the truck is still hot, so the dog yelps and drops the dynamite under the truck, and takes off after his master.

    And then --BOOOOOOOOM--

    The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake through a large enough hole, leaving the two idiots standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces.

    The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED.

    He still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments!!!

    And you thought your day was not going well?
  • Chinese Juice!!!

    We were dining in a Chinese restaurant down in Chinatown, when my friend asked me, "Do you know if there are there any Jews in China?"

    "I don't know," I replied and suggested. "Why don't we ask the waiter?" and when he came by, "I asked if there were any Chinese Jews ?"

    "I don't know, lep me ask," the waiter answered and disappeared into the kitchen. He quickly returned and said, "No. No Chinese Jews."

    "Are you sure?" I asked.

    "I go check again." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.

    While he was still gone, my friend said, "I can't believe there are no Jews in China, after all, people are scattered everywhere these days."

    When the waiter returned he said, "No Chinese Jews."

    "Are you really sure?" I asked again. muttering, "I cannot believe there's no Chinese Jews."

    "I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange jews, prune jews, tomato jews, apple juice and grape jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese jews!"
  • Whiskey Courage

    Paddy, suffering from a severe toothache, finally got up enough nerve to visit his dentist, but lost it again when he was about to get into the chair.

    The dentist told his assistant to give Paddy a shot of whiskey kept on hand for just such circumstances as this.

    "Ye got your courage back now?" the dentist asked.

    "No!" replied Paddy.

    So a second shot was brought, then a third.

    "Now have ye got your courage?" asked the dentist.

    "You're damn right!" Paddy said, squaring his shoulders. "I'd like to see the bastard who'd dare to touch my teeth now!"
  • The Same Old Story!

    An old man went to the college that he went to when he was a youth. He knocked on room number 3 of the hostel and said, "May I come in. I lived in this very room thirty years ago when I studied in this college."

    A young man opened the door and let him in. The old man examined the room, fondly remembering everything.

    He said, "The same old room, the same old wooden table, the ventilator and the same old window that opens to the garden. And the same old bed."

    When examining it he found a young girl under the bed.

    The young man got alarmed and said, "Don't mistake me. She is my sister. She dropped her ear ring and is searching for it."

    The old man said, "And the same old story..."