• Golf Buddies

    There was an old man named Bill, and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred. Bill's wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game.

    But one day he came home from their weekly game looking terrible and very tired. His wife asked, "What's the matter, Bill? You always seem so happy after golf and you look miserable right now."

    Bill said, "Well, something terrible happened. Fred had a heart attack on the first hole."

    "My God, honey!` said the wife, rushing to comfort him. "That must've been terrible!"

    "It was," he said. "All day long it was: hit the ball, drag Fred to the ball, and then hit it again..."
  • Aquaphobic Golfer

    These two couples play golf together regularly at their club, and on the sixth hole, a par four, the second shot to the green must carry 80 yards over water.

    One of the women, Mrs. Smith, for over a year, could never carry the water, and would always hit into it, totally psyched out by the presence of the water.

    Her friend in the group suggested that she might want to see a hypnotherapist to overcome her anxiety near the water.

    So the woman went to a hypnotherapist for four sessions. In those sessions, the woman was hypnotized and the therapist would "plant suggestions" that when playing the second shot on the sixth hole, she would not see water, but rather a plush green fairway leading all the way up to the green.

    About six months later, a woman at the club asked whatever happened to Mrs. Smith, that she hadn't seen her playing golf at the club for almost four months now.

    She was informed that five months earlier, Mrs. Smith had 'drowned' at the first leg of the sixth hole!!!
  • Out of Gas!

    Two couples went out golfing together. The men hit first from the men's tee and walked with the ladies to their tee box. The first lady took a mighty swing at the ball, missing it completely, while passing some gas rather loudly in the process.

    No one commented.

    She addressed the ball again but this time she passed just little gas as she made contact with the ball, topping it and moving it only a short distance.

    She said, "I wonder why it didn't go any further?"

    One of the men said, "I don't think you gave it enough gas."
  • Guys & Dolls Tournament

    A man and wife were playing in their club's annual 'Guys and Dolls' tournament. The man was not happy about having to play, but his wife insisted. On the 12th tee, his patience had reached its limit. While his wife wasted time on the ladies tee, he decided to go ahead and hit his drive from the men's. Unfortunately, he misjudged his shot and his ball hit his wife in the back of the head, killing her instantly.

    At the hospital the doctor came to talk to the husband. "Mr. Davies, we found a golf ball lodged three inches into your wife's brain, which was the cause of death. But, we have found something else that really puzzles us."

    "What is it?" asked Mr. Davies.

    "Well," said the doctor, "We also found a golf ball lodged six inches into her anal cavity."

    The husband dismissed the doctor with a wave of his hand "Oh, that was my second tee shot!"