• Always Tell the Truth

    A boy who was a witness to a crime was called to testify in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, "Did anyone tell you what to say in court?"

    "Yes, sir," answered the boy.

    "I thought so," said the attorney. "Who was it?"

    "My father, sir."

    "And what did he tell you?" the attorney asked accusingly.

    "He said that the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I told the truth, everything would be all right."
  • Billable Hours!

    A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

    After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

    "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

    The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

    The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
  • Truthful Lawyer

    A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner, who wanted to reoccupy the home.

    When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place.

    So he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids.

    He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent.

    He loved one of the homes and the price was right. The agent asked, "How many children do you have?"

    He answered, "Twelve."

    The agent asked, "Where are the others?"

    The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look, answered, "They're in the cemetery with their mother."

    MORAL: It's not necessary to lie; one has only to choose the right words.
  • Job Selection

    A prestigious law firm interviewing prospective attorneys had narrowed the field down to Bob and Paul. Both had graduated at the top of their respective law school classes. Both were from good families. Both were equally handsome. Both were well-spoken.

    But the senior law partner only asked each man one question, "Why did you become a lawyer?" and then chose Bob.

    Later, Paul said to Bob, "I can't understand why he didn't want me. When he asked me why I became a lawyer, I told him that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do the right thing for my clients. What did you say?"

    Bob replied, "I just told him, 'I became a lawyer because of my hands.'"

    "Your hands?" asked Paul incredulously. "Yeah," said Bob.

    "One day I looked at my hands and there wasn't any money in either of them!"