• Contribution!

    An attorney was asked to make a contribution to a worthwhile charity.
    His response was, "I guess you hadn`t heard, my mother is suffering from a terminal illness and she has medical bills which far exceed her income. My brother is a disabled combat veteran. He is not only blind, but is in a wheelchair and he has to take ten different medicines a day. My sister is the only parent of three children since her husband died without life insurance. She has no college and scrubs floors for a living. My wife is in a mental ward, and may never get out. My only child was in a drug rehabilitation program, but he left and no one can find him."
    Before he could get his breath and continue on, the fundraiser thought it wisest to end this and let the poor man alone.
    "You are correct, sir. I had no idea of your problems. Of course we can`t expect you to make a contribution with so many demands already on your income."
    The attorney nods and replies, "Exactly, why should I contribute to your organization when I don`t even give a single penny to my own family?"
  • Stupid instructions!

    In Oregon, dead people are forbidden to serve on juries!
    And, actual packaging instructions:
    ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING: Product will be hot after heating.
    ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON: Do not iron clothes on body.
    ON BOOTS CHILDREN S COUGH MEDICINE: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
    ON NYTOL (A SLEEPING AID): Warning: May cause drowsiness.
  • The Catch

    An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him.
    The Devil told the lawyer, "I have a proposition for you.You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife s soul, your children s souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners."
    The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, "So, what s the catch?"