• What's Starvation?

    Little Johnny's teacher was teaching the kids about starvation. Being a good teacher she decided to call on selected students to draw a picture of starvation on the board.

    Sue went first, she drew a round circle with three little lines in the middle of the circle.

    The teacher said, "That's very good Sue. What is it?"

    Sue said, "That's a plate with only three carrot sticks to eat, I think that... represents starvation."

    Next went Dan, he drew a round circle with 3 dots in the middle.

    The teacher said, "That's good Dan. What is it?"

    Dan said, "That's a plate with only 3 peas to eat. I think that represents starvation."

    Johnny went next. He drew a picture of a round circle with little squiggely lines all over in the circle.

    The teacher said, "That's good Johnny. What is it?"

    Johnny said, "That's an a$$hole with cob webs........ If that isn't starvation, I don't know what is.
  • Death in Service

    One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed Little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church.

    The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, "Good morning, son."

    "Good morning, pastor," replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked.

    "Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque.

    Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?"
  • The Toothbrush Salesman

    The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship technique they used.

    Little Sally led off, "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

    "Very good", said the teacher.

    Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said. "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

    "Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.

    Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.

    Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

    "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

    "Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

    "Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher. "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

    "I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny. "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample. They all said the same thing; 'Hey, this tastes like dog poop!' I would say, 'Yeah, It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush?' ...They all did!

    "I used the Politician's salesmanship technique of giving you some crap, dressing it up to make it look good, telling you it's free and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."

    Little Johnny got five stars for his assignment.
  • Kindergarten Drawings

    Little Johnny had been bringing his drawings home from kindergarten every day since he started a month ago. Each day his mother admired the pictures and hung them on the refrigerator.

    One thing started bothering her. Little Johnny only used black and browns for his drawings. Fearing a problem and not wanting it to get worse, she decided to take him to a child psychologist.

    The psychologist delicately went to work. He gave Little Johnny a battery of psychological tests. He chatted with Little Johnny. Everything seemed perfectly normal. Every day for two weeks, the tests continued. Yet everyday, Little Johnny continued to bring home drawings in only blacks and browns.

    Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem and fearful that something was terribly wrong, the child psychologist decided to give Little Johnny some paper and a box of crayons and observe what happened.

    Little Johnny opened the box of crayons and said, "Oh, Boy! A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes. The only ones left in mine are black and brown!"