• Secret Service

    Little Johnny was very proud of his Mangy Mutt.

    He was playing with it, when a passing gentleman stopped and asked Johnny, "What kind of a dog is that, Johnny?"

    "He's a police dog, sir!" the boy replied.

    "What! A police dog? He doesn't look like one."

    "Oh, I know it," was Little Johnny's answer, "but you see, sir, he's in the secret service!"
  • Little Johnny's Balloon

    Little Johnny blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but he continues.

    "Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something."

    He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center. Little Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the store. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it.

    Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets a diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes. When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.

    When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.

    "Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks.

    He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart !"
  • Stern Warning!

    Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently scold the child.

    Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

    Little Johnny looked up and replied: "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
  • Stay Away from Mom when...

    Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

    The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff. But then the teacher realised that only Little Johnny was left. "Johnny, do you have a story to share ?"

    "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom. She was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

    "Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher. "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story???" "Stay away from Mommy when she's drunk......!!!!"