• Good News!!!

    Selma telephones home with some exciting news:

    "Mama, I got married."

    "Congratulations!!" says Mama.

    "I might as well tell you, Mama, he's not of our Faith."

    "So he's a goy. But am I prejudiced?"

    "But, Mama, he's also black."

    "So he's a schvartzeh. By me, everybody should be tolerant."

    "Well, frankly, Mama, he's also unemployed."

    "So, you'll support him. A wife should help her husband."

    "But, Mama, we have no place to live."

    "Don't worry, Selma, dear. You'll move in with us."

    "But Mama, you have only one bedroom."

    "That's okay. You and your husband can have the bedroom."

    "Yes, Mama, but where will you and Papa sleep?"

    "Papa can sleep on the couch in the living room."

    "Yes, Mama, but where will *you* sleep?"

    "Selma, dear, about me you don't need to worry. The minute I get off the phone...I'm going to drop dead."
  • House Husband

    One evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of clothes in the washer and another in the dryer dinner on the stove, and the table set.

    She was astonished -- something's up.

    It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said wives who worked full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex.

    The night went well and the next day, she told her office friends all about it.

    "We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up, he helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put everything away. I really enjoyed the evening."

    "But what about afterward?" asked her friends.

    "Oh, that was perfect too. Ralph was too tired..."
  • There's Always That Doubt

    A man is talking to his best friend about married life.

    "You know," he says, "I really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But there's always that doubt."

    His friend says, "Yeah, I know what you mean."

    A couple of weeks later the man has to go out of town on business. Before he goes, he gets together with his friend. "While I'm away, could you do me a favor? Could you watch my house and see if there is anything fishy going on? I mean, I trust my wife but there's always that doubt."

    The friend agrees to help out, and the man leaves town. Two weeks later he comes back and meets his friend.

    "So did anything happen?"

    "I have some bad news for you," says the friend.

    "The day after you left I saw a strange car pull up in front of your house. The horn honked and your wife ran out and got into the car and they drove away. Later, after dark, the car came back. I saw your wife and a strange man get out. They went into the house and I saw a light go on, so I ran over and looked in the window. Your wife was kissing the man. Then he took off his shirt. Then she took off her top. Then they turned off the light."

    "Then what happened?" says the man.

    "I don't know. It was too dark to see."

    "Damn, you see what I mean? There's always that doubt."
  • Spying On Wife

    A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted a video of his wife's activities.

    A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.

    "I just can't believe this," the distraught husband said.

    The detective said, "What's not to believe? It's right up there on the screen!"

    The husband replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much fun!"