• The Break Up

    The young salesman finally plucked up the courage to tell his fiancee that he was breaking off their engagement so that he could marry another woman.

    "Can she cook like I can?" asked the distraught fiancee

    "Not even on her best day!" replied the salesman.

    "Can she buy you expensive gifts like I do?"

    "No, she's broke", the salesman said in agreement.

    "Well then, is this all about 'relations'?" cried out the devastated woman.

    "No, nobody does it like you babe," assured the salesman.

    "Then what is it?" she screamed "What can she do that I can't"?

    The salesman sighed, took a deep breath, looked his ex-fiancee straight in the eyes and said, "She can sue me for child support."

    And then it hit him... the four slice toaster he had bought for her the previous birthday.
  • Complaining About the Food

    Two women were discussing marriage, and one said, "We've been married twenty-five years, and every night my husband has complained about the food. Not one night without complaining about the food."

    The other woman said, "That's awful. Doesn't it bother you?"

    The first one said, "Not in the slightest."

    Said the other woman, "You must be a saint!"

    To which, the first woman replied, "No. Why should I object? Many people don't like the food they cook."
  • If You Marry An Irish Girl

    Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their domestic duties.

    The first man had married a woman from Italy and boasted that he had told his wife she was to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

    The second man had married a woman from France. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, all the dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a delicious dinner on the table.

    The third man had married an Irish girl. He boasted that he told her his house was to be cleaned, the dishes washed, the cooking done and the laundry washed. And this was all entirely her responsibility. He said the first day he didn't see anything and the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye!
  • Never Forget The Gift!

    The wealthy old gentleman and his wife were celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary and their three grown sons joined them for dinner.

    The old man was rather irritated when he discovered that none of the boys had bothered to bring a gift, and after the meal, he drew them aside.

    "You're all grown men," he said, "and old enough to hear this. Your mother and I have never been legally married."

    "What?" gasped one of the sons. "Do you mean to say we're all bastards?"

    "Yes," snapped the old man, "and cheap ones, too!"