• Authorized Signatory!

    He said: When I was a newly commissioned Lieutenant in the Army, I was assigned as a temporary assistant in an administrative office in a Military Intelligence unit.

    One day, a long memo came around with a cover sheet instructing all assigned officers to read it and initial it as indication of their compliance. I figured it meant me too, so I read and initialed it.

    But, a few days later, it came back addressed specifically to me. An attached note read, `You are not permanently assigned to this unit and are thus not an authorized signee. Please erase your initials and initial your erasure.`
  • Wet paint... Keep Off!

    Army traditions and discipline run deep. A regiment had a new CO. On inspection he saw two soldiers guard a bench. He asked the reason.

    "We don't know, Sir The last CO told us to do so. It is a regimental tradition."

    The CO searched for the phone number of the last last commander. He called him and got the reply.

    "I don't know. The previous commander had the guards. I kept the tradition."

    He went back another three COs and untill he located an 80 year old retired General.

    "Excuse me, sir. I'm now the CO of your regiment which you commanded 50 years ago. I find two men assigned to guard a bench. Could you please tell me about the bench?"

    Retired General, "What? Is the paint still wet?"
  • A Small Circle

    During a training session at an artillery unit the sergeant-major was busy describing how the sophisticated aiming device of the artillery weapon system is used:

    "As you all know, there are 180 degrees in a circle."

    One of the soldiers put up his hand and said: "But there are 360 degrees in a circle, sergeant-major."

    "You idiot," replied the sergeant-major, "I am obviously speaking about a small circle!"
  • My Wife is Expecting

    A young Army private seeks permission from his commanding officer to leave camp the following weekend.

    "You see," he explains, "my wife's expecting."

    "I understand," the officer tells him. "You go, and tell your wife that I wish her luck."

    The following week the same soldier is back again with the same explanation: "My wife's expecting."

    The officer looks surprised, "Still expecting?" asks. `Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the weekend off."

    When the same soldier appears again the third week, however, the officer loses his temper.

    "Don't tell me your wife is still expecting," he says.

    "Yes, sir," says the soldier resolutely. "She's still expecting."

    "What in heaven is she expecting?" the officer. Says the soldier simply, "Me."