• Long Distance Relationship

    A soldier was stationed abroad and received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home.

    It read: "Dear Dave, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent you. Love, Kim."

    The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of Kim, Dave included all the other pictures of pretty girls he had collected from his buddies.

    There were 43 photos in the envelope along with a note that read: "Dear Kim, I'm so sorry but I can't remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me. Take care, Dave."
  • A Small Circle

    During a training session at an artillery unit the sergeant-major was busy describing how the sophisticated aiming device of the artillery weapon system is used.

    "As you all know, there are 180 degrees in a circle."

    One of the soldiers put up his hand and said: "But there are 360 degrees in a circle, sergeant-major."

    "You idiot," replied the sergeant-major, "I am obviously speaking about a small circle!"
  • Authorized Signatory!

    He said: When I was a newly commissioned Lieutenant in the Army, I was assigned as a temporary assistant in an administrative office in a Military Intelligence unit.

    One day, a long memo came around with a cover sheet instructing all assigned officers to read it and initial it as indication of their compliance. I figured it meant me too, so I read and initialed it.

    But, a few days later, it came back addressed specifically to me. An attached note read, `You are not permanently assigned to this unit and are thus not an authorized signee. Please erase your initials and initial your erasure.`
  • Wet paint... Keep Off!

    Army traditions and discipline run deep. A regiment had a new CO. On inspection he saw two soldiers guard a bench. He asked the reason.

    "We don't know, Sir The last CO told us to do so. It is a regimental tradition."

    The CO searched for the phone number of the last last commander. He called him and got the reply.

    "I don't know. The previous commander had the guards. I kept the tradition."

    He went back another three COs and untill he located an 80 year old retired General.

    "Excuse me, sir. I'm now the CO of your regiment which you commanded 50 years ago. I find two men assigned to guard a bench. Could you please tell me about the bench?"

    Retired General, "What? Is the paint still wet?"