• Report Of The Day!

    The duty officer reported to his CO: Sir nothing significant has happened during my duty hours - only the dog died.

    The CO asked: How did the dog die?

    The duty officer: Ate too much of mule meat sir.

    The CO: Mule meat ? Where did that come from?

    The duty officer: Sir actually we had to shoot one of our mules.

    The CO: Why?

    The duty officer: You see sir, he was in terrible pain due to over exhaustion caused by overload.

    The CO: How over load ?

    The duty officer: We had to carry water in barrels from the river and this mule got overworked.

    The CO: Water ? Why ?

    The duty officer: Sir because we had a fire in the Quarter Guard... everything is turned to ashes.

    The CO: Goddamn it... this is what you should have begun your report with.

    The duty officer: Well actually when I reported to 2IC, I did that, but he fainted on the spot....
  • Attack or Retreat?

    Military leaders succeed in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem.

    They are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: attack or retreat?

    The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer, "Yes."

    The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer, "Yes what?"

    Instantly the computer responded, "Yes Sir."
  • How Traditions Are Born

    A new camp commander was appointed and while inspecting the place, he saw 2 soldiers guarding a bench. He went over there and asked them why do they guard it.

    "We don't know. The last commander told us to do so, and so we did. It is some sort of regimental tradition!"

    He searched for last commander's phone number and called him to ask him why did he want guards in this particular bench."

    I don't know. The previous commander had guards, and I kept the tradition."

    Going back another 3 commanders, he found a now 100-year old retired General."

    Excuse me sir. I'm now the CO of your camp you commanded 60 years ago. I've found 2 men assigned to guard a bench. Could you please tell me more about the bench?"

    "What? Is the paint still wet ?!?"
  • Long Distance Relationship

    A soldier was stationed abroad and received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home.

    It read: "Dear Dave, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent you. Love, Kim."

    The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of Kim, Dave included all the other pictures of pretty girls he had collected from his buddies.

    There were 43 photos in the envelope along with a note that read: "Dear Kim, I'm so sorry but I can't remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me. Take care, Dave."