• Liars

    A minister would up the services one morning by saying, "Next Sunday I am going to preach on the subject of liars. And in this connection, as a preparation for my discourse, I would like you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark."
    On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin, and said, "Now, then, all of you who have done as I requested and read the seventeenth chapter of Mark, please raise your hands."
    Nearly every hand in the congregation went up.
    Then said the preacher, "You are the people I want to talk to. There is no seventeenth chapter of Mark."
  • One Wish

    Family is driving in their car on holidays. Frog crosses the road and husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car. He gets out an takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road. Frog is grateful, thanks the man and tells him that he will grant him a wish.
    Man says: please make my dog win the next dog race.
    Frog asks to look at the dog which jumps out of the car. The frog notices that the dog has only got three legs and tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfill his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish.
    Man says: well, then please help that my wife will win the next beauty contest in the area.
    Frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car. Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog.
    The frog turns to the man and says: "Could I please have another look at the dog???".
  • Good deed!

    Good deed!
    An air force officer goes to heaven and at the gate St Peter asks him if he has ever done anything in his life that he believes makes him worthy of admittance to heaven.

    The officer replies, "Yes, I once went into a bar with four of my pilot friends and saw two Seabees harassing a young girl at the bar, so being a gentleman I went up to the biggest one and told him to leave this young lady alone. When he refused I told him again more forcefully. This time I slapped him across the face and told this Seabee to stand down."

    St Peter said this was a very good thing to do and asked when the pilot did this great act.

    The pilot replied, "About 5 minutes ago! My friends should be here shortly!"
  • Old Preacher

    An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.
    The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.
    For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment. They, however, were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.
    Finally, the lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"
    The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that`s how I want to go, too."